Navigating Betrayal and Flying Monkeys

0:00 Foreign hello friends and welcome. Midlife crisis, also known as mlc, is often dismissed as a cliche, but the reality is far more serious. During this period, individuals experience a profound psychological and emotional upheaval leading to impulsive and self destructive decisions that they later regret. Despite the clear signs of instability, MLCers are currently allowed to file for divorce and make irreversible financial and legal choices, often to the devastation of their long term spouses and families. Thank you for joining us today because now you are going to hear people from around the world as they tell their story in their own words about their bomb drops and beyond you.

1:00 The stories and events discussed in this podcast are based on our guest experiences and are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. They should not be considered legal, medical or professional advice. Any names, locations or identifying details have been changed to protect privacy. Any similarities to actual persons, living or dead, or real events are purely coincidental. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or the podcast creators. Listeners should consult with a qualified professional regarding their own circumstances.

1:49 Hello everybody. Thanks for joining us today. This is your host, Trina Laird. Today we are going to talk about flying monkeys and betrayal. So first we'll go on with the flying monkeys that might remind you a little bit of the wizard of Oz. Well, no surprise, it's now used in psychology to describe enablers or enforcers of a narcissist or an unstable person's agenda. These. And these people that are referred to as flying monkeys, they, they are, they're. They often become pawns like knowingly or unknowingly in a campaign to isolate, discredit and punish the target, which is often a colleague, a spouse, a partner, close friend.

2:37 But how do flying monkeys form? Why do people so easily believe the rewritten version of history that they're fed? Well, we shall explore how people in midlife crisis or those with narcissistic tendencies rewrite their past to justify abandoning responsibilities, families or long term partners. As they unravel, they often cast themselves as the victim and enlist others, friends, family members, even therapists or legal professionals to validate their altered nature narrative. These flyers then go around spreading misinformation, protecting the unstable or the narcissistic individual, which actually causes further harm to the true victim. Topics that we shall cover today, the psychology of cognitive dissonance and why people align with the narcissist. What flying monkeys get out of it. Validation, Control, Drama, or simply a sense of loyalty.

3:35 You know, and we'll talk about the danger of false narratives during divorce or separation. We're going to talk about how to identify when someone is being used as a flying monkey and why midlife crisis trigger a sudden rewriting of history and the emotional toll on the person being targeted, which is often the spouse or the partner. This episode is about truth, accountability, and reclaiming your voice when someone else is shouting their false version of your story. So the psychology of cognitive dissonance and why people align with the narcissist or MLC individual. Cognitive dissonance is the psychological discomfort that we feel when we hold two conflicting beliefs.

4:21 When someone witnesses a person they care about, such as the narcissist or the MLC individual. So when a person. When someone witnesses a person they care about like that, acting in ways that seem harmful or contradictory, they often resolve the discomfort by altering their perception of reality, Choosing to believe the narcissist narrative rather than face uncomfortable truths. Flying monkeys may justify their allegiance by convincing themselves that the targeted spouse must have done something wrong, must have done something to deserve this. You know, it's easier to believe the new story than to accept that their friend or family member is behaving cruelly or irrationally. Because, frankly, when it's an mlc, nothing makes sense.

5:05 Rational goes totally out the window. Everything's irrational. What's down is up. What's up was down. What was up is down. What was down is up. So you get the picture. What do flying monkeys get out of it? Flying monkeys aren't always manipulated against their will. Some gain emotional rewards from their involvement, such as validation or approval from the narcissist, a sense of superiority or righteousness in taking sides. They get the thrill of gossip and drama. There's avoidance of conflict by siding with the dominant personality. Some don't even realize that they're being used. Others may know, but, you know, they just. It's easier to just go along with it because they benefit socially, financially, or emotionally.

5:54 And please note, a lot of times we'll say narcissist because somebody in midlife crisis may not. They're often not a narcissist, but they often have little tendencies and traits of narcissism during the crisis. And that's very, very, very, very common. So that's why we often do that or refer to it that way. So the danger of false narratives during divorce or separation. A narcissist or someone in a midlife crisis often rewrites the story of the marriage to make themselves the victim and justify abandonment, infidelity or cruelty, false Narratives during a divorce can influence custody decisions.

6:44 It can sway mutual friends and family. False narratives can even destroy reputations. False narratives also increase isolation and trauma for the targeted spouse. This narrative shift is especially dangerous when dangerous when combined with legal proceedings where truth can be blurred by persuasive storytelling and image management. Or like in my field as a marketer, as branding. So, you know, branding is always pretty important. All right, how to identify when someone is being used as a flying monkey. Look for people who repeat the MLC's words verbatim. They suddenly cut off that targeted spouse or partner or colleague or friend without any cause. They may attack or gaslight the victim under the guise of quote, unquote concern.

7:42 They start spreading privately false information to others. They may claim neutrality, but always seem to favor the narcissist version of events, I'm sure because it could be more dramatic. And you know, we all love drama, so recognizing flying monkeys is vital for protecting your mental health. Not all of them are malicious, but many are complicit. And you know, there's probably nothing you can do about them except just ignore. And why? Midlife crises trigger a rewriting of history. It's often fueled by internal panic, fear of aging, regret, loss of identity, unfulfilled dreams.

8:28 And to escape that discomfort, people may project that dissatisfaction onto their spouse or family. They often reinvent themselves. And they reinvent the past to match the new narrative. That's totally normal. They don't even realize they're doing it. So please, when you hear that there's a rewritten history of your past, don't worry about it. It's fiction, just like. And don't worry about it. The MLC doesn't even know that they are doing that. Again, it's just. They're not themselves. The. The rewriting of history is also designed to blame others instead of facing their own choices. It also helps them seek external validation for affairs, new friends, new lifestyle. And to protect the shaky new identity, they must convince themselves and they must convince others that their old life was. It was flawed. Um, it could even have been abusive to them. And this is when the rewriting of history begins.

9:37 But what about that emotional toll on the targeted partner? Being discarded and then being misrepresented can be one of the most emotionally devastating experiences one can ever face. They. They face isolation, confusion, identity crisis, just like the mlc. ER. They may experience damage to their social and professional reputation. They may start having PTSD symptoms. They could develop a longing for truth, justice, or acknowledgement. They not only lose a partner. But they lose the shared history, the support system, and often their sense of reality.

10:19 All right, so how do we deal with the flying monkeys, you guys? What do you want to do about that? Well, first, you know what? Just disengage. Do not try to defend yourself to them. Flying monkeys often are not even interested in the truth. They're loyal to the narcissist or the person in crisis, and not to fairness. They're just trying. You're trying to defend yourself can reignite drama. We don't want to do that. It can give them more material to twist, and it can drain your energy. A response you could say is, you know what? I'm not going to defend myself against lies. You can believe what you want because really, you. Who cares in the end?

11:00 Two, you can identify who's worth saving. Not everyone is a lost cause. Some flying monkeys are confused or misinformed. So look for people who might show signs of hesitation. Maybe the friends who ask questions instead of making accusations. And look for folks that have a history of being fair. And approach those people gently and with calm, factual communication. If they're unwilling to hear you out, let them go. And protect your peace. You can strengthen your own circle. You can't control the flying monkeys, but you can build or rebuild your own support system. So surround yourself with people who believe in you, people who value integrity, and people who really aren't tied to the narcissist or the toxic person. A therapist, a coach, even online support groups can help you. They can help ground yourself in the truth when you feel isolated.

11:52 And if flying monkeys are actively interfering with your life, such as harassment, defamation, false accusations. Document it. Document everything. Screenshots, emails, texts. Block them where needed. Speak to a lawyer if it's affecting your reputation or your custody case or your career. Legal protection like cease and desist letters can be a totally powerful tool if necessary. And don't internalize their version of you. This is the real danger. Flying monkeys are echo chambers for the narc's fake story. Over time, it can gaslight you into questioning your own reality. So stay anchored. Stay anchored in what you know to be true. Stay anchored in your values, in your character.

12:36 You know you have the evidence of what really happened. Journaling, therapy, or even creating a timeline of events can help you validate your experience and let time and consistency be your proof. Narcissists, MLC ers, unstable people. You know what? Eventually they show their true colors. Over time, even some flying monkeys will wake up. You don't need to prove your innocence. You Just need to live it. Truth does not need a defense. Consistency. So now, guys, we've got. We talked a little about the flying monkeys. Now we're going to go into betrayal.

13:18 All right, so betrayal. Betrayal, Betrayal. Betrayal changes everything. So you'll learn today about a little bit about the psychology and neuroscience of betrayal and why it devastates us, how it hijacks our brain and our nervous system. You'll learn about betrayal, trauma, the emotional and biological response that leaves so many of us feeling shattered, confused, and unsafe in our own skin. And why do. Why do people betray? Well, they say sometimes unresolved childhood wounds, it could be narcissism. It could be the chaos of a midlife identity crisis. It could be just a variety of reasons.

14:09 And whether you've been betrayed by a partner, a friend, or family member, this episode is going to help you understand that what happened to you was not your fault. And that healing begins with reclaiming your truth. You are not broken. You are rebuilding. So what happens in the brain and body when trust is shattered? Let's unpack a little bit. Betrayal and why it so often comes from the people we love the most. And how to begin healing when your world, when your world's been turned upside down. This is the science of betrayal.

14:52 Betrayal doesn't just break your heart, it breaks your brain. And I mean that literally. It's not just pain, it's trauma. And science actually has a name for it. It's called drumroll. Betrayal, trauma. It was first studied by a psychologist named Jennifer Fraid, who discovered something powerful. The closer the betrayer is to you, the deeper the wound, which makes a lot of sense. When someone you love and someone that you trust, someone your survival once depended on, when that person turns on you, it's not just a violation, it's a psychological earthquake. Your brain, especially your amygdala, the part right here that senses danger, that part goes into overdrive. It's fight, flight, freeze. Fight, flight, freeze.

15:41 It doesn't know if this is emotional pain or a predator in the wild. Cortisol floods your body, your nervous system gets hijacked, and your ability to think clearly totally shuts down. Sometimes you'll even forget things, dissociate, or question your own memories. That's not weakness. That's your mind trying to protect you from what it can't yet process. That is how it's just completely so traumatic in your head. And just know if you're going through, if you've got a spouse or partner in mlc, it's. It's very similar for them, too. They're going through a total, total fogginess in their head.

16:24 And you're going through a total fogginess in your head with the betrayal issue. But the bigger question is this. Why do people betray the ones they say they love? Why does it so often come from the person you trusted the most? Well, some betray because they're wounded, emotionally immature, afraid of intimacy, terrified of being seen. They sabotage love before it gets too real. Others carry childhood scars that were never healed. And instead of confronting the pain, they dump it on you. They don't mean to. It's just. It's. It is what it is. This is. You know, some betray out of narcissism. Some see people as objects, not really humans with hearts. And then there are those that are caught in midlife crisis, of course, trying to outrun the mirror, running from aging, running from responsibility and mortality. And you just happen to be standing there when they cracked. It's not your fault.

17:20 And betrayal, really, it's not your fault. It's never about how lovable you were. It's really about how limited they were. When someone betrays you, they don't just walk away from the relationship. They walk away from truth, from loyalty, from integrity. And that's not love. That's cowardice in disguise. So if you've been betrayed and you're still standing, you are already stronger than the one who did it. You're not broken. You're just in the process of rebuilding something. Betrayal tried and tried to take from you your trust in yourself. If betrayal has touched your life, I want you to know this.

18:02 You are not weak for being hurt. You are not foolish for. For having trusted. And you are absolutely not alone. You didn't lose everything, but you did lose some stuff. And you know what you lost? You lost what was false. You lost what was performative. You lost what couldn't carry the weight of love. And now you are finally free to rebuild honestly, fiercely, and on your terms. So don't look at it as a loss. Think of what you've gained, and you are going to gain plenty. Thank you for listening. If this episode spoke to something inside you with the flying monkeys or the betrayal, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. There's a lot of folks out there that need to know they are not alone. And if you haven't already, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And just remember, you are not just surviving betrayal. You're rising from it. So stay cool out there. Stay awesome. And I'll see you guys at the next podcast. Thanks so much for listening to mlc Bomb Drop and Beyond.