Rare Opportunity to Speak Directly with a Husband in MLC

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Foreign.

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Hello there and welcome to our show today, Midlife crisis, bomb drop

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and beyond. I'm going to start with a little background on what we call midlife

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crisis. We're going to refer to it often as mlc,

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which stands for midlife crisis. You're going to hear about the

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midlife spouse and then you'll also hear about the left

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behind spouse known as the LBs.

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You'll hear words like bomb drop and tunnel.

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And I'll give you a little background on those

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too. Midlife crisis is often

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dismissed as a cliche, but the reality is actually far more

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serious. During this period of midlife crisis,

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the individual undergoing that experience, they have a

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profound psychological and emotional upheaval. It often

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leads them to make impulsive and self destructive decisions.

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Despite the clear signs of instability, MLC individuals

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are still currently allowed to like, file for divorce, sell their

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family homes, make irreversible financial and legal choices,

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often to the devastation of their long term spouses and families.

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I'll tell you a little about bomb drop. The bomb drop that we're going

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to be talking about in almost every episode is actually the moment

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when a person, often the spouse, unexpectedly announces

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that they want a divorce, a major life change, or they suddenly adopt

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an entirely new personality. There's some

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symptoms of that, such as going from a loving

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spouse to all of a sudden committed

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to being cold, indifferent, cruel. They rewrite

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history. They can claim they've never been happy despite years of

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apparent contentment. And I mean even 20, 30,

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40 years being happily married. And then all of a sudden you wake

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up one morning and they say, you know what honey, I, I haven't been happy

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for 40 years. So you can see where I'm going. It's a

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little, little disconcerting to

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the left behind spouse. And you know, you feel like you're,

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the rug's been pulled out from under you. There's horrendous discard you

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to be hearing about because it's just not like a normal breakup.

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It's pretty different. Many bomb droppers

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become infatuated with a new partner. This is known as limerence.

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You'll hear that word every now and then as well.

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I already mentioned, they often file for divorce. Suddenly they liquidate

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assets. Let's see,

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for the spouse on the receiving end, it often feels like their world

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has exploded. Hence the term bomb drop.

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Many struggle to reconcile the sudden change as the MLC person appears

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almost unrecognizable. Some later regret their

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choices, but by then the damage is often extensive and

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irreparable. So thank you

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for joining us today because now you're going to hear from people from

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around the world as they tell their story from Bomb Drop

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and Beyond Limerence.

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This is the obsessive fantasy driven infatuation with

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another person often mistaken for true love during

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a midlife crisis. The stories

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and events discussed in this podcast are based on our guest

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experiences and are intended for informational and entertainment

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purposes only. They should not be considered legal, medical or

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professional advice. Any names, locations or identifying details

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have been changed to protect privacy. Any similarities

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to actual persons, living or dead, or real events are purely coincidental.

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The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily

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reflect those of the host or the podcast creators.

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Listeners should consult with a qualified professional regarding

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their own circumstances.

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Hello, dear listeners, today I have a really special guest for

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you. We are going to be speaking with John, who has been married for

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over 40. But John is the one that went through

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the midlife crisis. He's not a left behind spouse

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or a forward moving spouse. John is

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the one that experienced the crisis in his

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head. It started in 2017, it's lasted

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about eight years. He feels like he's starting to come

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through this and you're going to hear from him. He knew

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really right when it started and also when

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he started to come out of it. So we are going to be speaking

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with John. This is a really important guest for us to to

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meet with today to see the inside look at what it's like from

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their perspective. My midlife Crisis

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started in two late to I believe late 2017,

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somewhere around there. It was when I

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had retired a few years before,

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quote unquote retired. I didn't really retire.

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I ran a farm. I sold my cows. I had surgery on

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my neck because I had vertebrae that were in very bad shape.

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I still kept my farm and I raised corn and hay.

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So I was still actively involved in a job.

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Just it wasn't as demanding. But I did lose self

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focus, I lost purpose a lot in

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doing that. And I think,

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I mean I didn't notice depression. I think I'd been

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depressed my whole life. I really do. The job I

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had, it was a job that I was expected to

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do. I knew I was going to do it when I was five years old.

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So I think after I started and became a farmer

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it was, I mean I looked at it like this.

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There were a lot of nice things about it, but there were a lot of

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bad things about it too. So I the bad things

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or the good things outweighed the bad things. So Was

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it your, your family that had a farm and

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so you. My father's farm. And I was the only grandson. Gotcha. Okay.

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So that's how that. And I came here every. I came to my

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grandfather's farm every summer since I was five years old and spent

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two months here. So I think that contributed

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to it some. I didn't know. I was depressed and when

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I got out of it, I lost purpose

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of my life. My wife retired that year,

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which I didn't agree with the retirement.

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She was a teacher. She could have worked another year. I felt she should have

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worked another year, built her retirement a little more.

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We just saved on insurance. There were a lot of issues with, with it,

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but I didn't, I didn't voice my opinion. It's her,

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her choice. It's not my choice. So she,

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she retired and then it went along. It was

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probably. I mean, I did things. I didn't

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have a great beard. I didn't have a great beard. Six months ago.

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Yeah, six months ago. And I, I always had

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people work for me and they were always like

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most of them were. I had a full time guy that worked for

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me and he was in his mid, he was

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in his 30s and we were like friends and that was

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probably a lot of it too. I was more

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adept to his, his age and.

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But anyways, that I didn't,

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I didn't. I had an online emotional affair

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and. Can you tell us, can you tell us how it

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started? It started just as messaging

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online as a friendship. Was it

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somebody that you actually knew? No, it wasn't.

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Wow. Wait, did somebody just message you out of the blue? I can't

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remember how it actually started.

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If I think I messaged her and she

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messaged back. She lived about an

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hour away from my house. We.

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We never met till last six.

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My timeline, because we've been set. My wife's been separated

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from me for four months. So we never met for. We met

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for the first time in August of this year and

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it had been going on for like three and a half years online.

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Yeah. And that's a lot of the issue with my wife.

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And it is like. It is an addiction. I will tell you.

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It's an addiction. Right. And the person that I

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was with was a lot younger than me. She was

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pretty smart in knowing how to control

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that addiction, if you know what I mean. There were

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times where we didn't speak for or message for two

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or three months. And of course it built the anticipation

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and that and the addiction. It built an addiction.

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Do you know if she was married. She was not married when I

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met her. She had a boyfriend. They did

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have a baby. I mean, when my wife found

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out, she wanted a paternity test, and we

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never had physical contact.

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It. It was. It was a weird relationship.

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There was limerence, and that contributes to

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the addiction. And let me ask you, did you know, like,

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in 2017, did you even know the word limerence? Did you know that that's a

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thing? No, I didn't even know. Midlife crisis.

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I didn't all knew for you. I'll tell you something.

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I joined the support group,

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the community, or the hero spouse community.

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The only reason I joined it is because I was on this marriage

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site and I told my story, and a lady said, there's a

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test you need to take. And I took the test. And she goes,

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how many of those things did you have? And I said, like,

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80%. And she goes, you had a midlife crisis?

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And I said, what. What are you talking about? I didn't

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even know it till it was over. Right. And I.

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My rationale wasn't right. I didn't. I mean, I have

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a business partner. We buy and sell bankrupt properties.

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I told him about it,

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and he couldn't believe it. He goes,

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and there's more to this story. I haven't told

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the whole thing. Thing. This girl, this summer,

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her and her boyfriend broke up, like, in April

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of last year. And it got more.

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She got more attached.

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And there was a house that she.

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She had worked for. The person cleaning the house.

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The person had died. Died in the house.

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The house came up for sale. It came up at a very reasonable price.

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She knew what I did, and she wanted to buy the

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house. And her mother actually called me

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and said, well, why don't we buy the house and flip it? And in the

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process, she decided she wanted the house. And I ended

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up owning the house with her, and I

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ended up owning it because when I wanted to stop,

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she threatened to. My wife's birthday is August.

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She's threatened to come to the house, on my house,

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and expose us of what was going on.

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Wow. Yeah. And that actually was a

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good thing because that actually brought me

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to my senses, if. If that. That's a good term

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to use. I knew that what I was doing was wrong.

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I had extreme guilt. Extreme. Like me

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and my wife had started walking a mile every day on

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our property. We own a lot of property. And I had a hard

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time doing it with her. I. It was

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because you felt so guilty. It was agony. Yeah.

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And I was a little Different. A lot of men

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say. Apparently they say,

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I love you, but I'm not in love with you. That wasn't me. I wasn't.

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I didn't have that mindset. I was in love with my wife the whole time.

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My. My thinking was, how could I feel this way

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about two different people? And it was.

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Was terrible. I mean, it. It. When the guilt started,

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it was. I mean, I knew

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from what started happening with the house that what

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I was doing was wrong, that my wife was

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the best person for me. She was.

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You know, how could I do this to somebody like that?

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It was very difficult. And I

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actually prayed for it to end, and it ended,

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but not. Not the way I wanted in that.

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The consequences that I have to

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deal with. Wow. So really, you had that emotional

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affair for about three years with. Yes.

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And. And you didn't meet her for the first two or two and a half

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or three years, it sounds like. Yeah. And during that

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time, did you feel ever guilty about texting or calling?

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Not as much. It went through my mind. It went through my

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mind that what I was doing was wrong. It didn't

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stop me, though. Yeah. It wasn't enough guilt to

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stop me. The house was enough guilt to start the

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process, to stop it. I was still addicted,

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though, during that. Time, because that behavior of

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that woman, the house woman, that's sort of

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like. Sort of blackmail kind of thing. Oh, yeah. We're in a lawsuit

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right now. Really? Oh, my God. I went.

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I went to the police, and the police said, if you hadn't

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closed on the house, we'd have arrested her.

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We closed on the house was the problem. I ended up signing

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a paper in the attorney's office that I wouldn't sue them.

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Yeah, that's. It's not a good thing.

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I mean, I tell people my story because

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hopefully someone can learn from it, but I'm pretty embarrassed.

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Well, we'll get to that. I mean, it's like a

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disease, and it sounds like, you know, you couldn't really control it.

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Disease. It's an addiction. It's different than taking drugs.

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Yeah, exactly. You know what? When I first, you know,

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started understanding how MLC works, I equated

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it to somebody that's like a heroin addict, you. Know,

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like, it almost.

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There's a lot more that I've learned, and I've been

243
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:19,116
on the site and commented some, and everybody

244
00:15:19,148 --> 00:15:22,770
wants to know why. And I thought, I know why,

245
00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:26,490
and they don't want to know. There's. There's.

246
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:30,502
I talked to one guy called me up because I

247
00:15:30,526 --> 00:15:33,478
had just gotten on the site and I was telling about it, and I told

248
00:15:33,534 --> 00:15:36,902
a little bit about why. And he called me and he says, you don't want

249
00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:40,518
to say that on here. You'll be. You will.

250
00:15:40,654 --> 00:15:43,170
They. These women will tear you.

251
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,254
Well, can you tell us why? We're not going to tear you apart.

252
00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:50,750
And we don't use names. You are not going to want to hear it.

253
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:54,498
You know, marriage is two imperfect people trying

254
00:15:54,634 --> 00:15:58,402
to. And they are. Yeah. And what I

255
00:15:58,426 --> 00:15:59,510
did was wrong,

256
00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:04,562
and I know that. But there were a lot of reasons why. I've been

257
00:16:04,586 --> 00:16:08,466
in counsel. I'm in. I have a meeting with my counselor tomorrow.

258
00:16:08,578 --> 00:16:12,386
I've been in counseling every week. It's gone

259
00:16:12,418 --> 00:16:16,472
to two weeks now. I'm in Christian counseling. I'm in regular counseling.

260
00:16:16,586 --> 00:16:20,124
And I don't mean with a coach. I mean with.

261
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:24,092
With a counselor from a hospital. So they're,

262
00:16:24,156 --> 00:16:26,040
you know, they're professional people.

263
00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:29,920
And I was very insecure.

264
00:16:30,340 --> 00:16:34,440
We. Me and my wife have been married 43 years.

265
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:38,652
There is a pending divorce. We have

266
00:16:38,676 --> 00:16:39,920
had a hard marriage.

267
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:51,330
Yeah. And this was a long time ago.

268
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:57,590
I know that. I know that she's very

269
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:01,574
upset about being separated and

270
00:17:01,582 --> 00:17:05,302
the way our marriage is ending up if it ends up that

271
00:17:05,326 --> 00:17:09,014
way. I know that she basically said when she left, you ruined

272
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,358
my life. And I feel the same

273
00:17:12,414 --> 00:17:15,846
way, too. But there. There is. There's.

274
00:17:15,958 --> 00:17:19,878
There's things on both sides that cause it. And really

275
00:17:19,934 --> 00:17:23,430
what people need to do when they. You can't.

276
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:27,606
The problem is. And I've said this to people that have contacted

277
00:17:27,638 --> 00:17:31,862
me. I said, I wish I had a magic phrase that I could whisper in

278
00:17:31,886 --> 00:17:34,950
the person's ear that has this and they would come out of it.

279
00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:37,570
Yep. I wish I did,

280
00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:42,822
but there isn't. And so you started to

281
00:17:42,846 --> 00:17:46,598
see yourself going in that direction of being addicted.

282
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:50,770
Like. I didn't really.

283
00:17:51,390 --> 00:17:54,774
I knew it was. I didn't equate it to an addiction

284
00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:58,886
then, but it was. I couldn't control myself.

285
00:17:58,998 --> 00:18:00,970
I've made terrible decisions.

286
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:07,856
Wait, what? The terrible decisions even outside of the relationship,

287
00:18:07,968 --> 00:18:10,060
sort of like just in general.

288
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,368
Well, I couldn't. I'm very

289
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:18,448
anal. And I. I pay a lot of bills.

290
00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:22,288
I write my checks. I put a date on the envelope

291
00:18:22,384 --> 00:18:26,128
five days before they have to be five days before they're due.

292
00:18:26,264 --> 00:18:29,570
And they get mailed five days before they're due. And then three

293
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,802
days after that, the money is transferred from my savings account to

294
00:18:32,826 --> 00:18:36,722
my checking account. So it draws interest. During that whole time,

295
00:18:36,906 --> 00:18:39,750
I got. So I was forgetting to Take the letters out and mail.

296
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:44,034
Wow. So. So I hear this a lot, that people describe it as

297
00:18:44,042 --> 00:18:47,230
a brain fog. Did you feel that way that you're. You were just a little.

298
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:51,026
But I knew looking back,

299
00:18:51,178 --> 00:18:54,430
I just thought, mine is different.

300
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:59,280
I'm 66 years old. This started in the late 50s.

301
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:02,348
And I'll tell you, I know the day.

302
00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:06,316
Not the day, but I remember the day very distinctly

303
00:19:06,348 --> 00:19:09,820
that it started. I sat in a chair right over

304
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:13,756
there, and all of a sudden I started thinking

305
00:19:13,788 --> 00:19:17,196
about dying. And it was like a panic

306
00:19:17,228 --> 00:19:20,620
attack. It felt like time and space was compressing,

307
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:24,748
and it lasted for about an hour, and it would come and go, and I

308
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:27,880
had it for, I don't know, six months or a year.

309
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:31,388
And it did leave after a while,

310
00:19:31,524 --> 00:19:35,452
but I changed, too. I became a midlife crisis person.

311
00:19:35,636 --> 00:19:39,196
Wow. So that's sort of how it started. You started having that

312
00:19:39,268 --> 00:19:42,684
feeling of. Yeah, it was. It was an.

313
00:19:42,772 --> 00:19:46,178
I have anxiety pretty bad. I always have.

314
00:19:46,364 --> 00:19:49,890
And it was worse than any anxiety that I've ever had.

315
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:54,358
Like I said, it was like a panic attack. Wow. Did you

316
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,830
actually. Did you talk about that with your wife or did you. I didn't talk

317
00:19:57,870 --> 00:20:02,050
to her. Go back.

318
00:20:02,510 --> 00:20:05,574
If I could advise somebody. I mean,

319
00:20:05,742 --> 00:20:09,670
I don't think anybody that is going through. Somebody going

320
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:13,198
through that might listen to somebody and say,

321
00:20:13,334 --> 00:20:16,366
if they said, hey, you're having a problem. You're having a mental

322
00:20:16,398 --> 00:20:19,490
problem. It is a mental problem. It's mental.

323
00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:24,126
It's. It's. You're. You have a mental

324
00:20:24,158 --> 00:20:28,430
deficiency. It's. It's. I don't know why it's

325
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:32,318
temporary, but it is a mental deficiency.

326
00:20:32,494 --> 00:20:36,046
I don't want to say it's mental retardation, because it isn't

327
00:20:36,238 --> 00:20:37,850
like that, but it.

328
00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:41,756
It's. It's something your brain isn't.

329
00:20:41,788 --> 00:20:44,972
Right. Right. I know you want to know why I

330
00:20:44,996 --> 00:20:48,524
know it. And. And this is one of the things also

331
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:52,380
that started more guilt is.

332
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:56,012
I have a knee problem pretty bad, and a back problem

333
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:59,772
because of what I've done my whole life. And I.

334
00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:03,918
I go to a specialist for it. And they said,

335
00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:07,402
why don't. There's a reservation near us. And they said,

336
00:21:07,426 --> 00:21:10,538
why don't you go to the reservation, buy some gummies and see if it helps

337
00:21:10,554 --> 00:21:13,770
you. I took a little piece of that gummy,

338
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:18,122
and it made me terribly paranoid, so I didn't do

339
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:22,154
it anymore. When it also took the midlife crisis

340
00:21:22,202 --> 00:21:25,626
away, I was. I knew

341
00:21:25,658 --> 00:21:29,130
what I was doing was terribly wrong. I felt guilty.

342
00:21:29,290 --> 00:21:32,600
I felt. It was like.

343
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:36,732
And that was late it was like a

344
00:21:36,756 --> 00:21:40,700
year ago, maybe not even a year ago, 10 months

345
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:44,444
ago. But it affected my brain. So the chemical,

346
00:21:44,572 --> 00:21:48,572
whatever chemical is in marijuana affected the

347
00:21:48,596 --> 00:21:52,012
midlife crisis, Whatever the midlife crisis was doing to my brain.

348
00:21:52,156 --> 00:21:54,320
Wow, that's amazing.

349
00:21:58,830 --> 00:22:02,102
Yeah. Thank God it's temporary, you know. You know,

350
00:22:02,126 --> 00:22:05,734
I had mentioned something to a doctor and they, they said that they're,

351
00:22:05,782 --> 00:22:08,822
they can do blood test or hormone. It might have had something to do with

352
00:22:08,846 --> 00:22:12,294
hormones, you know, as people age. So I

353
00:22:12,302 --> 00:22:16,678
don't know. I guess they say. And that's the male menopause andropause

354
00:22:16,854 --> 00:22:20,850
that could be. Yeah, probably. I'm sure it probably is.

355
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,824
I don't, you know, I don't know.

356
00:22:25,992 --> 00:22:28,976
But I didn't know I had medlike crisis.

357
00:22:29,008 --> 00:22:32,848
I didn't even realize the severity. There could be a severity.

358
00:22:33,024 --> 00:22:36,576
Yeah, I don't think there's enough people

359
00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,900
don't. You know midlife crisis, you go

360
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,760
and you get a tattoo like that, you go buy

361
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,136
a car. Actually, I planned

362
00:22:47,168 --> 00:22:50,496
on getting that tattoo long before I got my midlife crisis.

363
00:22:50,528 --> 00:22:52,960
It just. Oh, okay.

364
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,272
Yeah. So let me just. Let's see. Okay. So she

365
00:22:56,296 --> 00:23:00,100
was your limerant object, basically, that gal.

366
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:05,712
Do you feel like she may have sought you out kind of thing after.

367
00:23:05,816 --> 00:23:09,420
She found out more about me? I think she did.

368
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,100
I mean, she,

369
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,870
she. I'm trying to think how old

370
00:23:17,910 --> 00:23:21,838
she was. She was 22 or 23.

371
00:23:21,974 --> 00:23:25,470
Oh, wow. When we first started talking.

372
00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,767
She's. Well, no. 25,

373
00:23:28,993 --> 00:23:32,158
24. And she lives in America.

374
00:23:32,334 --> 00:23:35,614
What? Yeah, she looks not far from here.

375
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:38,702
Wow, that's crazy that somebody's so close by.

376
00:23:38,806 --> 00:23:42,266
And did she ever come and how did your wife find out?

377
00:23:42,358 --> 00:23:46,610
Like, so obviously she didn't come on. The birthday, but no,

378
00:23:46,650 --> 00:23:50,306
my wife asked to see my phone because we had had an issue

379
00:23:50,378 --> 00:23:53,938
two years ago and I gave it to her and she said, what's this?

380
00:23:54,074 --> 00:23:58,114
And it was actually a phone call from the. There was a text message,

381
00:23:58,242 --> 00:24:01,122
I believe the girl's mother on my phone. And I said,

382
00:24:01,146 --> 00:24:04,530
well, that's something you probably aren't going to want to see. And that's how she

383
00:24:04,570 --> 00:24:08,210
found out. And I, I immediately told

384
00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:12,434
her that she called the woman and started talking

385
00:24:12,482 --> 00:24:16,050
with her. And after all of the commotion

386
00:24:16,130 --> 00:24:20,162
stopped, I went and told my wife that there was a house involved.

387
00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:24,434
And apparently she had already been told that, but I wanted

388
00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:27,842
to be upfront with her from here on.

389
00:24:28,026 --> 00:24:31,698
Yeah. So it sounds like from your wife's perspective,

390
00:24:31,794 --> 00:24:35,212
that might have been the bomb drop. Oh, it was, yes.

391
00:24:35,356 --> 00:24:38,636
Yep. And what happened after that?

392
00:24:38,788 --> 00:24:42,348
When this. Did it happen? Oh, you said it was pretty recent.

393
00:24:42,484 --> 00:24:45,484
October 20th. It happened. Okay,

394
00:24:45,612 --> 00:24:49,388
right. Months ago. Yes. Four months

395
00:24:49,444 --> 00:24:52,040
ago. Wow. Half months ago.

396
00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:55,788
And there were two days we didn't speak after

397
00:24:55,844 --> 00:24:59,560
that. We spoke. I don't know.

398
00:25:00,030 --> 00:25:03,398
I think she was just making plans at the time.

399
00:25:03,454 --> 00:25:07,650
We did, actually, the day before

400
00:25:08,510 --> 00:25:11,910
and the day. Two days before. We walked both

401
00:25:11,950 --> 00:25:15,542
days, which I was shocked, but I think she was just

402
00:25:15,566 --> 00:25:19,574
doing it to put up a sense of normalcy.

403
00:25:19,702 --> 00:25:22,774
Yes. So. Because she left the next morning.

404
00:25:22,942 --> 00:25:26,664
And when she left, was it sort of immediate

405
00:25:26,712 --> 00:25:30,100
or sort of like, you know what? I'm. I'm out of here.

406
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,296
It was covert. She never told me. Oh, I haven't spoken

407
00:25:34,328 --> 00:25:37,880
to her since that morning. Wow. So you have not spoken to your.

408
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,112
So your wife is almost like what we call. What do we call

409
00:25:41,136 --> 00:25:44,440
it? Nlc. The. The. The spouse that doesn't come back.

410
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,180
The. Yeah. Yeah.

411
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,940
Like a runaway wife. Yeah. Okay.

412
00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:57,140
Election day was the last day, full day. We were

413
00:25:57,180 --> 00:26:00,852
together the next morning. We didn't know who had

414
00:26:00,876 --> 00:26:04,372
won the election. She woke up. I think the last thing

415
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,480
she said to me was, trump won the election.

416
00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,320
And I had a doctor's appointment that morning.

417
00:26:10,620 --> 00:26:13,732
And when I came home, oh,

418
00:26:13,796 --> 00:26:17,220
it's a long. There's so much involved. We own

419
00:26:17,260 --> 00:26:20,360
a farm. She has horses.

420
00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:24,594
Very expensive horses. The horses were gone.

421
00:26:24,722 --> 00:26:28,630
All very expensive saddles. All the saddles were gone.

422
00:26:28,970 --> 00:26:32,802
She has an art studio in her barn

423
00:26:32,866 --> 00:26:37,250
that I built. And most

424
00:26:37,290 --> 00:26:40,722
of her art stuff was gone. Very little was

425
00:26:40,746 --> 00:26:44,194
taken from the house. You said you

426
00:26:44,202 --> 00:26:47,180
did file for divorce. She did, yeah.

427
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,820
So this was. And this is the longest you guys have ever been separated?

428
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,144
Yes, we were separated one other time for,

429
00:26:55,232 --> 00:26:58,040
like, oh, maybe two months.

430
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:02,200
And it was the same. I mean, I came. I was.

431
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,400
At that time, I was in my 40s.

432
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,208
I was playing hockey. I played hockey

433
00:27:09,384 --> 00:27:12,770
all of my Most. All of my life at a very

434
00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:16,610
high level. And I played men's league here locally.

435
00:27:16,690 --> 00:27:20,018
And a bunch of kids saw me from the college and said,

436
00:27:20,154 --> 00:27:23,314
you need to come to play. And I went play.

437
00:27:23,482 --> 00:27:26,482
And I came home one night, and all our furniture and our whole house was

438
00:27:26,506 --> 00:27:30,430
empty after a hockey game.

439
00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:36,018
Wow. So we have. That was another time.

440
00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:39,660
And we went for Christian marriage counseling

441
00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:42,796
at that time. And I did.

442
00:27:42,948 --> 00:27:46,760
I mean, a lot of my behavior was different after that.

443
00:27:48,420 --> 00:27:52,444
I did change in different ways. And I'm.

444
00:27:52,492 --> 00:27:55,628
I'm right now. I've. I've done a lot of.

445
00:27:55,684 --> 00:27:58,364
I've got notepads here full of.

446
00:27:58,452 --> 00:28:02,092
Of ways to modify your

447
00:28:02,196 --> 00:28:05,876
behavior, to deal with Your emotions to

448
00:28:05,948 --> 00:28:09,124
relate to women. How to be

449
00:28:09,132 --> 00:28:12,720
a better husband and a better, you know, a better person.

450
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:18,360
You know, I. When I do something, I don't do it halfway.

451
00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:22,996
My idea was, I'm going to be a better person out of this.

452
00:28:23,148 --> 00:28:26,692
Good for you. And it sounds like you. It. It's. Do you feel like

453
00:28:26,716 --> 00:28:30,646
you're out of the tunnel now, of the delimiter object thing

454
00:28:30,718 --> 00:28:34,150
that's passed? Yes. You're. You're out. Did you.

455
00:28:34,190 --> 00:28:37,702
Did you feel like. Was that a gradual process or.

456
00:28:37,806 --> 00:28:41,478
Well, it was abrupt. It was when. Yeah.

457
00:28:41,654 --> 00:28:44,850
Wait, it was when your wife or she left?

458
00:28:45,310 --> 00:28:48,758
Yeah. Yeah. I offered to go to counseling. I said,

459
00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:52,822
you know, can we work on this? I think we

460
00:28:52,846 --> 00:28:56,506
should go to counseling. And of course, because our marriage was the way it was,

461
00:28:56,558 --> 00:29:01,842
was she had been to counseling before and

462
00:29:01,946 --> 00:29:05,106
after you do that, then, I mean,

463
00:29:05,178 --> 00:29:08,610
she would do all kinds of things to try to. The last thing

464
00:29:08,650 --> 00:29:12,402
she was doing, and she was doing it right up till she left,

465
00:29:12,586 --> 00:29:16,322
was trying to show me more respect because that changes the

466
00:29:16,346 --> 00:29:19,842
way I react. So she was trying to do that. She was trying to

467
00:29:19,946 --> 00:29:23,276
improve. Yeah, but she didn't

468
00:29:23,308 --> 00:29:26,200
do any. She was doing.

469
00:29:26,740 --> 00:29:30,600
She didn't do any of the emotional stuff for herself to make me more

470
00:29:30,980 --> 00:29:34,412
connected to her. You see, what I'm in.

471
00:29:34,436 --> 00:29:37,900
That went through my mind too. Why do I have this connection

472
00:29:37,980 --> 00:29:41,180
to this other person but not to her? Yeah.

473
00:29:41,340 --> 00:29:44,652
Almost a stranger, really. Yeah. You know?

474
00:29:44,756 --> 00:29:48,140
Yeah. Why is this there, this emotional

475
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:51,270
connection with her, but there isn't with my wife?

476
00:29:51,770 --> 00:29:55,250
I found all that out in the last 10 days because

477
00:29:55,370 --> 00:29:58,930
I have to meet with my counselor tomorrow and I told you

478
00:29:58,970 --> 00:30:02,594
she wanted me to go back in time, and I had a

479
00:30:02,602 --> 00:30:06,338
hard time doing that because she said there's always

480
00:30:06,394 --> 00:30:10,030
one major thing that. That a personal.

481
00:30:10,330 --> 00:30:13,890
She's done prison counseling, too. And there's always one

482
00:30:13,930 --> 00:30:17,516
major thing that an inmate brings up that their life changes

483
00:30:17,548 --> 00:30:20,860
on a die. But knowing what I know

484
00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:24,780
now, there isn't always one major thing. It can be subtle things. It can

485
00:30:24,820 --> 00:30:28,492
be. Mine was emotional

486
00:30:28,556 --> 00:30:31,660
attention was given and withdrawn as

487
00:30:31,700 --> 00:30:35,068
a child. I can remember it

488
00:30:35,124 --> 00:30:38,556
now. Did it. Did it seem like it should affect

489
00:30:38,588 --> 00:30:41,120
me? No, but it's subconscious.

490
00:30:41,420 --> 00:30:44,756
Wow. And it imprints you. There's ways

491
00:30:44,788 --> 00:30:48,196
to change it. Oh, really? What kind of ways?

492
00:30:48,308 --> 00:30:49,840
I don't know that yet.

493
00:30:52,220 --> 00:30:55,636
And so was this from a parent figure? Yeah.

494
00:30:55,828 --> 00:30:59,604
I always thought it was from my dad because my dad

495
00:30:59,652 --> 00:31:02,628
is a lot like me. He isn't very. I mean,

496
00:31:02,684 --> 00:31:05,828
my family never hugged, never kissed each other,

497
00:31:05,884 --> 00:31:09,198
never. And my father Emotions were sort of pushed

498
00:31:09,214 --> 00:31:13,102
under the rug, or more like, you're a guy. Don't cry. Just.

499
00:31:13,286 --> 00:31:17,150
Yeah. And it can't. My mom. Me and my mom

500
00:31:17,190 --> 00:31:21,182
aren't speaking right now because of it. Oh. And it's not.

501
00:31:21,286 --> 00:31:24,170
And I, I just, I can't talk to her.

502
00:31:25,030 --> 00:31:28,622
And I will say, though, I think. Tell you

503
00:31:28,646 --> 00:31:32,410
why it is. It's because when I, when,

504
00:31:32,820 --> 00:31:36,460
when this first happened, like two days after it happened,

505
00:31:36,620 --> 00:31:39,852
my mom calls me and I couldn't believe it because she never calls me.

506
00:31:39,876 --> 00:31:43,020
And I always put my phone on speakerphone and my wife

507
00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:46,332
there. And she goes, well, are you going to tell her? And I had

508
00:31:46,356 --> 00:31:49,772
no intentions of telling her at that time because I didn't know

509
00:31:49,956 --> 00:31:54,124
what the, what we were, where our lives were going.

510
00:31:54,292 --> 00:31:58,428
So why would I. Why would I? And my

511
00:31:58,484 --> 00:32:01,240
wife started and I, I.

512
00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,680
And she said, well, things aren't good.

513
00:32:05,460 --> 00:32:09,292
And I. We told my mother and it went along a

514
00:32:09,316 --> 00:32:12,588
while, and of course my mother goes,

515
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:16,172
I'm not taking sides. And I

516
00:32:16,196 --> 00:32:19,372
talked to my counselor about it, and she said, well,

517
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:23,004
what's that tell you when she says that? And I said, well, she's taken.

518
00:32:23,092 --> 00:32:27,190
She's not taking my side, it's taking her side.

519
00:32:27,810 --> 00:32:30,906
How did that make you cool? Well, that.

520
00:32:30,978 --> 00:32:34,030
I don't want to disrespect my mother, so I'm not talking.

521
00:32:35,090 --> 00:32:37,670
Were you expecting your mom to take your side?

522
00:32:38,210 --> 00:32:40,550
I would expect she should,

523
00:32:41,810 --> 00:32:44,950
yeah. It's a situation. I mean, over 40 years,

524
00:32:46,530 --> 00:32:50,346
my wife's attachment style is a vindictive attachment style,

525
00:32:50,378 --> 00:32:53,888
too. And my daughter does not speak to me. I haven't

526
00:32:53,904 --> 00:32:57,952
seen my grandson in four months, dear. Yeah, she's been

527
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:01,440
on the Internet and villainized me. And I did

528
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,800
put an end to that because when I could comment on it,

529
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:08,384
I put, maybe you ought to tell all these people about the adulterous

530
00:33:08,432 --> 00:33:11,340
affair that stopped it.

531
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,360
But I do think, you know, the other

532
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,336
generations before us, you know, like your parents,

533
00:33:18,448 --> 00:33:21,900
they probably did the best they could at that time.

534
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,832
You know, everybody. Yeah. You mean in raising a child?

535
00:33:27,016 --> 00:33:30,608
Yep. And that was just the way it was. Everybody does.

536
00:33:30,744 --> 00:33:34,860
I mean, my daughter told me that she.

537
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,832
And I don't know why she's not speaking to me because we

538
00:33:38,856 --> 00:33:42,240
did speak at Christmas time. What? She told

539
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,052
me I was an absentee father. And I watch.

540
00:33:45,236 --> 00:33:48,460
I mean, I work. I ran a farm.

541
00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:51,964
It was a small farm. We had like 40. We were

542
00:33:52,052 --> 00:33:55,660
40 to 50. 40 to 60 cows. We had

543
00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:59,372
120 head. I hired one kid to

544
00:33:59,396 --> 00:34:03,004
come after school for an hour a day. I worked 13

545
00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:06,012
to 16 hours a day, seven days a week.

546
00:34:06,116 --> 00:34:09,340
Wow. 40 years. And I had three weeks off

547
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:13,832
the whole time. Uh huh. So was I an absentee father?

548
00:34:13,976 --> 00:34:17,672
Yes, in a lot of ways. Did her college get

549
00:34:17,696 --> 00:34:20,456
paid for, does she have college loans to pay?

550
00:34:20,608 --> 00:34:24,344
No. Did half her house get paid for by her father?

551
00:34:24,472 --> 00:34:28,408
Yes. So I, you know,

552
00:34:28,544 --> 00:34:31,540
there were other ways I tried to make up for it.

553
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:35,064
I kind of did the same thing my mother did to me, I guess.

554
00:34:35,192 --> 00:34:39,080
Yep. And that, that is typical.

555
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:43,016
You know, that's what we do. Yep. So yeah,

556
00:34:43,048 --> 00:34:47,128
I agree. My. Me not, I think the generations

557
00:34:47,224 --> 00:34:50,616
being raised. I've got a teaching degree and I've

558
00:34:50,648 --> 00:34:54,376
taught school also. And I don't, because I don't

559
00:34:54,408 --> 00:34:58,260
agree with the way the schools are run. But I do think

560
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,130
my generation and probably my,

561
00:35:02,250 --> 00:35:06,082
maybe my daughter's generation have had the best

562
00:35:06,266 --> 00:35:10,390
parenting that they can have. The parenting now is terrible

563
00:35:11,210 --> 00:35:14,510
in most cases from what I've seen.

564
00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:19,122
But. And that shapes a person in a lot of

565
00:35:19,146 --> 00:35:23,390
ways. And I don't think

566
00:35:24,250 --> 00:35:28,468
I know one thing. Me being an anxious preoccupied

567
00:35:28,564 --> 00:35:32,440
probably stopped me from leaving my wife.

568
00:35:32,940 --> 00:35:36,724
You know what I mean? I, I had no intentions of ever leaving

569
00:35:36,772 --> 00:35:39,760
her. Never. Never really. I mean,

570
00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:43,620
I was buying stuff for a car right up till,

571
00:35:43,780 --> 00:35:47,412
till there's a brand new set of tires out in

572
00:35:47,436 --> 00:35:51,076
my shop. There's snow tires out in my shop on rims.

573
00:35:51,188 --> 00:35:54,770
You know, I was still buying stuff with the anticipation that,

574
00:35:54,900 --> 00:35:58,518
you know, a month before this all happened that,

575
00:35:58,654 --> 00:36:01,766
you know, she would need. So there was,

576
00:36:01,918 --> 00:36:04,662
I, I'm odd, I guess, is all I'm saying.

577
00:36:04,766 --> 00:36:08,966
I'm not typical MLC that, that looked

578
00:36:08,998 --> 00:36:12,570
at, you know, a progression to leave.

579
00:36:13,230 --> 00:36:16,870
I guess there are some that don't. Your wife is lucky in that respect.

580
00:36:16,990 --> 00:36:20,450
You know, she might, I don't know. Is she?

581
00:36:21,060 --> 00:36:24,812
He ended up in the same spot, only in reverse

582
00:36:24,876 --> 00:36:28,364
roles. Did she realize you had a midlife

583
00:36:28,412 --> 00:36:31,724
crisis? Did you say that to her? Did you guys talk about it?

584
00:36:31,892 --> 00:36:35,708
No, I didn't know till after she. Oh, wait, so when did you

585
00:36:35,764 --> 00:36:39,708
realize after she left? After. Yeah,

586
00:36:39,804 --> 00:36:43,356
I didn't find, I didn't join that marriage support

587
00:36:43,428 --> 00:36:46,972
group till after she left. And that's where the person in

588
00:36:46,996 --> 00:36:50,716
it said, hey, you need to take this test. And that's

589
00:36:50,748 --> 00:36:54,780
when I found out and I have told her. I've sent

590
00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:58,284
her the information to the, to the midlife crisis

591
00:36:58,332 --> 00:37:02,556
group. I don't think she knows the extent that it can affect a person

592
00:37:02,628 --> 00:37:06,028
because she did say when we were together two

593
00:37:06,084 --> 00:37:09,964
weeks, she could say I could understand if you had some kind of

594
00:37:09,972 --> 00:37:13,292
mental problem and this happened. Little does she know I

595
00:37:13,316 --> 00:37:16,440
did. Yeah. Well, that's good. She said that.

596
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,672
She won't read the information. She won't look at it. She won't.

597
00:37:23,816 --> 00:37:27,912
She's really hurt. She feels really betrayed.

598
00:37:28,056 --> 00:37:31,432
I think she feels really betrayed. If there was a way

599
00:37:31,456 --> 00:37:35,208
I could educate them and give them the knowledge that I have,

600
00:37:35,344 --> 00:37:39,300
at least they'd understand. Well, we're trying to do that with

601
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,922
this show and there's a lot, there's a,

602
00:37:43,096 --> 00:37:47,610
A lot of folks now that are trying to lift the, the awareness. Of mlc,

603
00:37:47,950 --> 00:37:52,166
newer awareness. And there needs to be some mental health

604
00:37:52,238 --> 00:37:55,430
studies. There needs. I believe there's, there's some

605
00:37:55,470 --> 00:37:59,050
way that this can be prevented. Yeah, to the extent,

606
00:37:59,550 --> 00:38:03,062
I mean, you're probably not going to prevent a midlife crisis, but to the

607
00:38:03,086 --> 00:38:07,010
extent that people have it, I think there is a way to

608
00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,740
limit the severity.

609
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:15,568
But there's not, there's not enough knowledge,

610
00:38:15,664 --> 00:38:20,176
there's not enough awareness. There's not enough studying,

611
00:38:20,368 --> 00:38:22,540
and there's probably not enough money.

612
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:29,456
Well, I mean, the last we've had one meeting where I've

613
00:38:29,488 --> 00:38:32,976
seen her and it was on like we're doing now, she couldn't

614
00:38:33,008 --> 00:38:34,100
look at the camera.

615
00:38:36,350 --> 00:38:40,486
She could be having her own crisis, too. I, I wondered that

616
00:38:40,638 --> 00:38:43,878
she had gone through something. She's on hormone,

617
00:38:43,974 --> 00:38:45,810
so I don't know.

618
00:38:48,510 --> 00:38:51,990
She's. She's got a master's degree. She got

619
00:38:52,030 --> 00:38:55,078
a degree in art education,

620
00:38:55,214 --> 00:38:58,422
elementary education, and a minor in psychology and

621
00:38:58,446 --> 00:39:02,384
a minor in abnormal

622
00:39:02,432 --> 00:39:06,000
psychology. Huh. She ought to know what's going

623
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,184
on. But I don't know what she does. My attorney

624
00:39:09,232 --> 00:39:13,008
did bring up, of course, I'm asking for reconciliation,

625
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:18,336
which I live in New York, so we have very liberal laws

626
00:39:18,368 --> 00:39:22,688
of all kinds, so they just about hand divorces out

627
00:39:22,824 --> 00:39:25,300
at a drive through. Yeah.

628
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,300
And. But my attorney is.

629
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,496
Did it. Did talk about reconciliation and

630
00:39:33,568 --> 00:39:38,824
brought up, you know, the work that I've done, the midlife

631
00:39:38,872 --> 00:39:42,664
crisis. And I forget.

632
00:39:42,712 --> 00:39:46,232
Her, her attorney, he, he handled it

633
00:39:46,256 --> 00:39:50,232
in a way that was demeaning to me. Let's just. Enough so that

634
00:39:50,256 --> 00:39:53,352
the court. Wait, wait, wait. Your attorney did. Or hit hers.

635
00:39:53,416 --> 00:39:56,634
Hers. Oh, enough so that the court

636
00:39:56,722 --> 00:40:00,150
person said, look, we're not going to have any of that going on.

637
00:40:00,770 --> 00:40:05,338
It was my, my. I think my attorney said,

638
00:40:05,394 --> 00:40:08,778
you know, what can we do? Can we do counseling or.

639
00:40:08,914 --> 00:40:13,146
And he said, well, the problem with it is it's

640
00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:17,338
the second time, which I said, two years ago we had an issue and

641
00:40:17,394 --> 00:40:20,612
now this. And your attorney,

642
00:40:20,756 --> 00:40:24,244
your, Your client Went out and bought a house with.

643
00:40:24,412 --> 00:40:27,640
I forget how he worded it, but it was very. Demeanor.

644
00:40:29,340 --> 00:40:30,080
Right.

645
00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:40,132
I'm so sorry to hear that. It's. It's just unraveled like

646
00:40:40,156 --> 00:40:46,478
this. You know, we am too, because I'm

647
00:40:46,494 --> 00:40:49,630
not a quitter and I think it

648
00:40:49,670 --> 00:40:52,878
can be fixed. It would take a lot of work,

649
00:40:53,014 --> 00:40:56,222
a lot of understanding. I've done

650
00:40:56,246 --> 00:40:59,918
a lot of the work already. Right,

651
00:41:00,054 --> 00:41:00,730
right.

652
00:41:03,590 --> 00:41:07,438
So do you ever sit down and have those. You don't

653
00:41:07,454 --> 00:41:10,848
have those panic attacks anymore about life is short death,

654
00:41:10,974 --> 00:41:13,964
anything good? I got nothing to live for.

655
00:41:14,132 --> 00:41:17,292
Oh, that's not true. You're. You're going to have a lot

656
00:41:17,316 --> 00:41:20,600
to live for. So you don't know.

657
00:41:21,380 --> 00:41:24,668
No, I think, you know, a lot of us feel that way at times.

658
00:41:24,804 --> 00:41:28,412
Really. But, you know, I've talked

659
00:41:28,476 --> 00:41:31,708
with my. My business partner.

660
00:41:31,884 --> 00:41:35,452
We've talked about it. Actually, we talked about it quite a while

661
00:41:35,476 --> 00:41:38,940
ago, and it was probably a midlife.

662
00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:42,120
Part of my midlife crisis and part of what he's going.

663
00:41:43,770 --> 00:41:47,378
And, you know, we've talked about. About it

664
00:41:47,434 --> 00:41:50,670
and, and this may have helped some.

665
00:41:51,370 --> 00:41:55,138
You know, we've done a lot in our lifetime.

666
00:41:55,234 --> 00:41:58,430
We've accomplished a lot. We. We're both.

667
00:41:59,930 --> 00:42:03,250
He told his aunt about our partnership and she goes, well, you know,

668
00:42:03,290 --> 00:42:06,866
partnerships are really bad. And his aunt.

669
00:42:06,978 --> 00:42:10,114
And he goes to his aunt. Well, the guy's just like. And she goes,

670
00:42:10,162 --> 00:42:13,602
there's another one like you. And we

671
00:42:13,626 --> 00:42:17,362
are. We've got the same demeanor. How long. How long

672
00:42:17,386 --> 00:42:21,042
have you guys been partners? Since 2018.

673
00:42:21,146 --> 00:42:24,830
But we've known each other. He was. For 30 years.

674
00:42:26,970 --> 00:42:30,242
Through your counseling and things. Have you realized or, you know, do they

675
00:42:30,266 --> 00:42:34,616
talk about, like, joy and that feeling of fulfillment

676
00:42:34,778 --> 00:42:38,172
needs to come from within and not from your spouse or anything like that?

677
00:42:38,276 --> 00:42:39,880
Talked about that.

678
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:47,004
It's kind of weird. I pretty much run.

679
00:42:47,092 --> 00:42:50,604
Run the counseling thing because

680
00:42:50,692 --> 00:42:54,156
first I was obsessed. Why I did what I did.

681
00:42:54,308 --> 00:42:57,804
Yeah. And how. How can I repair the damage?

682
00:42:57,932 --> 00:43:01,270
Yeah. And we still talk about

683
00:43:01,310 --> 00:43:04,758
it some. And then my counselors and.

684
00:43:04,814 --> 00:43:07,734
And now I've said to her, you know, I've got a lot. I've had a

685
00:43:07,742 --> 00:43:11,570
lot laws. How can I improve on those?

686
00:43:12,350 --> 00:43:15,410
So that's where we're starting. Have started.

687
00:43:16,190 --> 00:43:20,690
And looking into my childhood and

688
00:43:21,790 --> 00:43:25,090
I mean, I meet with her tomorrow. It was two weeks ago.

689
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,180
And I think I got more figured out.

690
00:43:29,720 --> 00:43:33,600
Wow. Why I am the way I am now

691
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:36,620
after that. How do you fix it? How can you.

692
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,260
How can you, you know,

693
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:44,224
work on changing. Changing your attachment

694
00:43:44,272 --> 00:43:47,632
style? Yeah. I guess recognition is

695
00:43:47,656 --> 00:43:51,056
the first Step in the right direction. Well, yeah, I've known,

696
00:43:51,208 --> 00:43:51,940
yeah.

697
00:43:53,410 --> 00:43:55,550
Admittance, remorse,

698
00:43:55,890 --> 00:43:59,790
acknowledgment and accountability.

699
00:44:02,450 --> 00:44:04,270
That's how you correct yourself.

700
00:44:06,050 --> 00:44:09,818
Well, I refer to all my male guests as John, so I'm not gonna

701
00:44:09,834 --> 00:44:13,178
say your name, but. So. Okay, so you've

702
00:44:13,194 --> 00:44:15,402
got a lot coming up in the future. Would it be okay if we have

703
00:44:15,426 --> 00:44:18,710
a part two sometime in the future? Whatever you want.

704
00:44:19,510 --> 00:44:23,374
Let me ask you any, any, any last minute you want to

705
00:44:23,382 --> 00:44:26,942
share with our viewers today. You've got

706
00:44:26,966 --> 00:44:30,730
some advice there. You've got a lot. You know, I, I talk

707
00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:35,118
in, in the chat and I try to give them advice more,

708
00:44:35,174 --> 00:44:38,542
very understanding. And I try to

709
00:44:38,566 --> 00:44:42,370
tell them pretty much what happened in and where I'm headed.

710
00:44:43,670 --> 00:44:46,830
I do think, given time,

711
00:44:48,250 --> 00:44:52,546
I will tell you right now, your husband will regret what's

712
00:44:52,578 --> 00:44:56,990
happened. And if you can,

713
00:44:57,610 --> 00:45:01,510
if you can buy the time and prevent

714
00:45:01,850 --> 00:45:05,986
certain things from happening, if you feel

715
00:45:06,058 --> 00:45:08,510
that your relationship is worth that,

716
00:45:09,130 --> 00:45:12,538
it's a risk. But it's saying

717
00:45:12,594 --> 00:45:15,898
that, I guess if you're

718
00:45:15,914 --> 00:45:20,122
in love with someone, it's a risk. You, you have and died on

719
00:45:20,146 --> 00:45:23,390
your own, whether you're willing to take or not. Huh.

720
00:45:26,210 --> 00:45:31,978
It's like me now. I've been four months and I,

721
00:45:32,114 --> 00:45:36,670
I went sending my wife messages,

722
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,832
and the last one I sent her was she asked me

723
00:45:40,856 --> 00:45:44,032
why this happened. And I never. When she asked me,

724
00:45:44,056 --> 00:45:47,760
I could not give her satisfactory answer. All I could say

725
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,720
was it made me feel younger. Right.

726
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:52,620
But I couldn't, I couldn't tell her,

727
00:45:55,240 --> 00:45:58,864
you know, why I did it. And I told her, in a

728
00:45:58,872 --> 00:46:02,400
way, you know, I said I was very insecure, both in my life

729
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,962
and in my marriage at the time. And those were

730
00:46:05,986 --> 00:46:09,754
the main reasons that. And I said there were some reasons why I felt

731
00:46:09,802 --> 00:46:13,050
insecure. Went to the part with

732
00:46:13,090 --> 00:46:16,586
my mom and all that, but I wanted

733
00:46:16,618 --> 00:46:20,602
her to know I would, I would, and I will if she gives me

734
00:46:20,626 --> 00:46:24,042
that chance. To me, when you, when I hear that

735
00:46:24,066 --> 00:46:27,430
she said that to you, that she asked you how did it happen? I think

736
00:46:27,970 --> 00:46:31,794
that that's really like her willing to be opened up, sort of keep a

737
00:46:31,882 --> 00:46:36,034
wall, maybe an invisible wall between. Yeah, that was the tour here with,

738
00:46:36,122 --> 00:46:39,150
with me. Yeah. The,

739
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:43,586
the fearful avoidant fluctuates from

740
00:46:43,658 --> 00:46:45,350
avoidant to anxious.

741
00:46:47,050 --> 00:46:50,110
They go from one end from one extreme to the other.

742
00:46:50,410 --> 00:46:54,322
And she must have been in the anxious

743
00:46:54,466 --> 00:46:58,510
stage where she wanted to, you see what she wanted.

744
00:46:58,590 --> 00:46:59,490
Inquire.

745
00:47:02,790 --> 00:47:06,270
I think it would. Anyone that goes through this,

746
00:47:06,310 --> 00:47:09,806
I think it would do anyone good to talk about it

747
00:47:09,878 --> 00:47:13,534
afterwards, whether you're with your partner

748
00:47:13,582 --> 00:47:15,770
or not, I think you owe them that.

749
00:47:17,750 --> 00:47:21,050
You're very lucky that you've come out of this, you know,

750
00:47:21,990 --> 00:47:25,886
not everybody does. Eight years. Eight years.

751
00:47:25,958 --> 00:47:28,130
It's been eight years. Wow.

752
00:47:29,750 --> 00:47:33,070
Well, 2017. What a great way to start your retirement,

753
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:35,650
huh? Oh,

754
00:47:37,430 --> 00:47:40,702
I'll never be retired. I'm not that type.

755
00:47:40,846 --> 00:47:44,382
Yeah. I've got so

756
00:47:44,406 --> 00:47:47,854
many things that I do. But that's a

757
00:47:47,862 --> 00:47:51,060
good thing. Yeah. I would do things a lot different.

758
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,540
And I. I don't know, I.

759
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,980
We got five foot of snow here this

760
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:04,936
December and it collapsed one of my barns.

761
00:48:05,128 --> 00:48:08,632
Oh. Caved the roof right in. Oh. Yeah.

762
00:48:08,696 --> 00:48:11,700
It's. I got a huge mess to clean up from that. But.

763
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,980
Yeah. And. And I've thought, you know,

764
00:48:15,470 --> 00:48:18,438
I don't know if I want to live here in the world. Maybe I'll have

765
00:48:18,574 --> 00:48:21,270
place in the south in the winter.

766
00:48:21,350 --> 00:48:26,310
South. I don't know. But it

767
00:48:26,350 --> 00:48:30,410
changed my life. You mean the crisis?

768
00:48:30,830 --> 00:48:34,262
Yeah, the midlife crisis is changing. Wow. And not

769
00:48:34,286 --> 00:48:37,526
for the Right. I'm so sorry. You know,

770
00:48:37,678 --> 00:48:41,382
I mean, it is devastating. See, you're the

771
00:48:41,406 --> 00:48:44,920
person in the crisis. Devastating for you, devastating for your wife,

772
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,220
other grandchildren in the family.

773
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,140
Yeah. It's hard to some, you know, for some people, it's really hard to.

774
00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:58,824
Some people won't admit it outright, but inside

775
00:48:58,872 --> 00:49:03,416
they will know what they did was wrong and regret

776
00:49:03,528 --> 00:49:05,700
that they did it to someone.

777
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:10,744
Really sad because it's tipping, you know what's happening. People's the latter

778
00:49:10,792 --> 00:49:14,186
third of, you know. Yeah. Well, why do you think there's

779
00:49:14,218 --> 00:49:18,270
some men. Look at. Look at the rise in divorce.

780
00:49:19,170 --> 00:49:23,002
A look at the rise number of divorces with

781
00:49:23,026 --> 00:49:26,218
people with gray hair. They're talking about it all the time. Oh yeah,

782
00:49:26,234 --> 00:49:30,310
there's a Facebook group, Gray Hair Divorce. Yes. Why do you think it is?

783
00:49:30,610 --> 00:49:34,122
Yep. You know why and I know why. But the

784
00:49:34,146 --> 00:49:36,790
public doesn't know why yet and they need to.

785
00:49:40,460 --> 00:49:43,972
Thank you for joining us today as. As we

786
00:49:43,996 --> 00:49:47,924
discuss this topic. You know, the mental health community has yet to formally

787
00:49:47,972 --> 00:49:52,612
classify midlife crisis as a psychological impairment with real world consequences

788
00:49:52,756 --> 00:49:56,532
similar to what you've heard today. Research suggests that MLC

789
00:49:56,596 --> 00:50:00,388
can involve symptoms similar to depression, identity crisis, and even

790
00:50:00,444 --> 00:50:03,876
dissociative states. Like other conditions that impair

791
00:50:03,908 --> 00:50:07,364
judgment, such as manic episodes and bipolar disorder or temporary

792
00:50:07,412 --> 00:50:11,152
psychosis. M leads individuals to make reckless

793
00:50:11,216 --> 00:50:15,072
decisions similar to that that they later end up regretting if

794
00:50:15,096 --> 00:50:19,168
a person is in a psychiatric crisis. If a person in

795
00:50:19,224 --> 00:50:22,880
a psychiatric crisis cannot legally sign contracts or make major life

796
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:27,136
decisions without oversight, why should an individual in the throes of a midlife crisis

797
00:50:27,168 --> 00:50:30,384
be allowed to dismantle a marriage, sell a home or drain

798
00:50:30,432 --> 00:50:33,984
shared finances without safeguards. We believe

799
00:50:34,072 --> 00:50:37,684
legal protections must be implemented to prevent MLC

800
00:50:37,732 --> 00:50:41,508
driven destruction of families. Legal reforms should be considered

801
00:50:41,604 --> 00:50:44,868
such as waiting periods for major decisions.

802
00:50:44,964 --> 00:50:48,516
Just as there are waiting periods for gun purchases and other high risk

803
00:50:48,588 --> 00:50:52,468
actions. A mandatory reflection period should be instituted before

804
00:50:52,524 --> 00:50:55,684
finalizing divorce or selling shared property during an

805
00:50:55,772 --> 00:50:59,636
mlc. There could be legal oversight for spousal protection

806
00:50:59,748 --> 00:51:03,702
if one spouse claims the other is in a midlife crisis. Courts should require

807
00:51:03,766 --> 00:51:08,086
mediation and mental health assessments before irreversible legal actions

808
00:51:08,118 --> 00:51:12,358
can be taken. It's our efforts through this podcast

809
00:51:12,534 --> 00:51:16,198
that more awareness can be brought to this

810
00:51:16,334 --> 00:51:20,550
situation so that going forward from

811
00:51:20,590 --> 00:51:24,790
unilaterally destroying a shared life due to a temporary psychological

812
00:51:24,870 --> 00:51:29,062
breakdown. Thank you for joining us today and we

813
00:51:29,086 --> 00:51:32,750
look forward to having you join us on our future shows. Thanks so much.

814
00:51:32,790 --> 00:51:34,222
Have a super day you guys.