Continue with KENDA-RUTH STUMPF, Founder of The Hero's Spouse (part 2 of 2)

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Foreign.

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The stories and events discussed in this podcast are based

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on our guest experiences and are intended for informational and

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entertainment purposes only. They should not be considered legal,

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medical, or professional advice. Any names,

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locations, or identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.

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Any similarities to actual persons, living or dead,

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or real events are purely coincidental. The views and

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opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily

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reflect those of the host or the podcast creators.

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Listeners should consult with a qualified professional regarding their

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own circumstances. And here we are, part two with

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the great Kenda Ruth Stumps. And we are gonna. We're back in 2009,

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when the world's about to change for not only Kenda and

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not only for Chuck, but really for. For everybody, for LBSs,

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MLCRs worldwide, literally worldwide. Because what

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she's about to do next is really just take everything,

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take the world by storm. All right, Kenda, you're up.

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Okay, well, so to 2009 is when Chuck and

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I got. We moved back into the same house.

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2008, I had started my website and so I have

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been writing my manuscript while away. And 2009

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we are. I'm still continuing to add articles. And really what happens

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in 2010 is I started the forum.

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My goal had been to start a forum in the very beginning,

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even only a few months after Bomb Drop, probably that summer, my mom

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had met with me to. I took her along as moral support

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when we were meeting with lawyers and she looks at me and she

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says, do you want to do this sort of thing for a living?

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Because people are already coming to me for advice.

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And I knew the answer was yes.

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I don't know that I said yes. I think she knew it too,

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though. And what year was that where your mom said that? Asked that? That was

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2005. That was only. It was

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the very beginning when I started out

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at Jim Conway's chat. People started asking

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me for advice within a few weeks, which was a

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little bit scary because I'm the newbie.

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But one of the things as a writer,

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one of the things I'm really good at is critiquing. And I think the format

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may have just been similar to critiquing. And also

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there were some parallels to some of the studies I'd been doing.

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So I'd done Jungian studies as part of my mythological

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studies. My area as a writer is

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mythology and Jungian studies.

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So my area in. In midlife crisis

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is looking at it from a Jungian perspective.

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So when I talked about the stages and I used Jim Conway stages,

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what I really Use is the stages of

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rites of passage. And then I take Jim Conaway's

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stages and put them inside those stages.

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So Merturia. Merturia. I'm not always good at

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saying it. Eliade wrote the stages that are the rites of passage

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and those start out separation, liminality and reintegration.

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So separation stage one. Then you have

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that liminality, which is stage four, depression, when you

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get into midlife crisis. So separation then includes

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that replay stage, or what I now call escape and avoid.

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And then you have your types of replay and you have

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some stages that Jim Conway had coming before the

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replay stage. And then you have your liminality and

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then you have your acceptance

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and the withdrawal, which he talked about, which I don't really buy into.

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And for rites of passage, you just condense those down into those

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three basic things. You separate from your tribe, you go

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into your liminality where you

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have your psychic breakdown and then you reintegrate

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back into society. But there's lots of things going on during

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separation, during liminality and then reintegrate.

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So I'm writing all of my stuff. Then we start this forum.

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So wait, when did you start the writing? Well, I have a master's

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in writing. So did you start around 2008?

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Officially, but I'd been writing I. When I was on divorce busting,

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I. I was always writing and when I

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was writing posts, I would start to formalize them. Okay,

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okay. So you were really actively doing

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that. Headspace thing on, you know,

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my liminality. The basic articles for my liminality I put out

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in 2007. Huh. When I discovered liminality

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as an idea rather than depression, as the

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idea, as the, as the terminology. So I

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was putting it out and I put em out as unofficial formal

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articles in there. And so the birth or the infancy of those

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articles was before I was writing it in

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my own website and that sort of thing. And when you say website

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was, was that originally the hero's spouse or

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was. Was always called the hero's spouse as a

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title? The title has always been the Hero Spouse.

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And the URL is Midlife Crisis Marriage

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Advocate. Now you can find it at that Midlife

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Crisis Marriage Advocate. But you could also find it at the Hero Spouse.

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So for our, our viewers today, it's.

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It's midlife crisis marriage advocate.com.

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Yeah, thanks. Yeah, it can be that or if you go to the hero spouse.com,

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it'll take you to the same basic place.

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Okay, awesome. So. So either one will get you there.

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Yeah. And through Those with menu item you

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can find the forum. So with the website you started post

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because I never saw the website back then, so I didn't know how it.

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It's evolved, you know, into what it is today, which is an amazing

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thing. So was your intent like to have

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articles and. Well, as a writer,

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my main intent was to have a book and that be a

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flagship. So for everybody out there, it's not

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there. The. The book itself is not there as a book.

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The manuscript is the website content, the main website

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content. There is also a blog which as I continued to

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write that I'm not adding to the manuscript.

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I just put those back then onto the blog finally. Because you eventually

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have to stop writing the book. Right. So then

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I just put those over at the blog and then I was going

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to conferences to pitch my manuscript during those years as well.

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And I'm starting the forum because I'd always wanted to have a forum

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Similar. To what helped you in the beginning. Exactly.

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Similarly to what helped me in the beginning that was focused

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specifically for midlife crisis. Whereas divorce busting had

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forum. A forum with multiple boards. They had an infidelity

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board that was for all types. They had a board

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for the sex starved spouse. They had a board for midlife crisis.

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They had a newbies board. I wanted one board so

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that everybody could say we're going to go here and we're not going to

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miss something that is relevant. On another board. It was just

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midlife crisis. There wasn't an old timers board and then a new timers

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board and an introduction board was just all of us. And instead it

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took me a while to get something that did it. I wanted to

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have topics that we could we. So we can filter by topics.

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In other words, story threads where you can have your own journal or

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you can write about midlife crisis topics. That's you're where

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you're not writing about your own story. You can incorporate it, but this isn't

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your journaling. Or you could have a self development

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or your mirror work topic. Or maybe you have just

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a general question you want to discuss. I like discussing is

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midlife crisis real? I don't have a problem with that. I think it's a good

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thing for people to ask. So we can have a discussion topic. Sure. We have

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a couple of topics and then there's

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the off topic like hey, announce somebody's having a birthday or

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they always want to do that. So. But you

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can filter by topics. And so did the form start

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going live in 2010? In 2010,

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April May in 2010. Wow. Congratulations. That's exciting.

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That was exciting. That was a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. And,

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and you, how did you advertise? Yeah,

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how did you get people involved on the forum? So back then,

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I had a newsletter where I would put some of the articles out first

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toward the newsletter, and then I promoted the forum through that.

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So the people that were on the newsletter then just trickled right over

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to the forum. And you were emailing the newsletter out. Exactly. You are

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quite the little writer. So I, I've known you now a few years,

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and I never knew that you were a. Had a master's in

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fine arts or literature or. Yeah, I have a master's in fine arts.

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And my focus was children's writing because who, who people

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think of mythology and children's writing,

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which is what I, I, I like picture books. So with

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the mythological studies, I do a lot of mythology,

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traditional tales, fairy tales, that sort of thing. Wow. And look at that.

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Did you ever think you'd become an expert in midlife crisis or anything like.

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You know, I did not. But, you know,

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my, my uncle was liter legally insane

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and that legal insanity. I saw parallels to

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what I was experiencing. And I had

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written something. It was actually during a

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class before I went to my mfa. I was taking some

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children's writing classes, and they wanted us to do a presentation.

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And I wrote something about.

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And it was, I think, where I used a whale as a metaphor for going

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through this journey. The journey. And it was a Jungian journey,

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and it paralleled. And I

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was mlc, and I was just able to change some of the words.

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And it was, this is MLC right here for this psychological

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journey. And so some of what I was doing, it just like, oh, take this.

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I think I one time took the article, changed a few words.

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I barely revised it. And I could transplant that very article in

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the beginning to midlife crisis.

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And I think I put that out there. Wow. And this was an

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oral presentation I'd given for children's writers.

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And so some of it, I just saw the parallels that

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were right in there with what I was dealing with. And that

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helped me. So that Jungian background and

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what I was dealing with really helped me. It really helped. Yeah.

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Yeah. And that's why people were, I think, asking me questions

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in the beginning, to the point that even Jim Conway

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said something about it, which cusp scared me. I was like, okay, you know,

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that's a little too much. You know, slow it down,

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everyone. And I think he was saying the same thing because he was Joking.

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But it was a little bit scary that people are, you know, hey,

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I'm four months in. Why are you, you know, I don't mind asking questions,

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but please stop telling me I'm an expert in this.

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Right? You know, like, you know, I was just screamed at by my husband 10

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minutes ago and then I came in to, you know, type at people and they're

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telling me how amazing I am. Please stop now. It's a little

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too much. But, but you know, because first thing, don't let my head

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get too big. But it also, it gave me

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something to focus on and something to do.

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And it had already been a fascination and an interest

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of mine. That was what worked. Yeah. And many LBSs

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are trying to just. Figure it out because I don't

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want LBSs. I don't want these left behind and forward moving

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spouses to focus so, so much on it because

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they can go into analysis paralysis. And that was another

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struggle I had was I'm focusing so much on this,

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but I really like the focus on it. I mean, I'm, I'm so academically interested

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in it. Am I just doing that as an excuse or

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am I just this interested? And I knew from my past that

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I had this interest, but maybe I am just applying.

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Maybe I am just trying to make experience excuses to, to focus

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and get into my analysis paralysis. So I, there was a lot of struggle

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with that because I don't want the

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rest of you unless you really have an additional interest in it to keep

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going with it. I don't want people to get bogged down. Graduate.

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Yeah. You are supposed to graduate. And if you graduate to this and

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hey, you determine this is what I want to do after I graduate,

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that's great. But you know what, you can graduate to

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something else. You can graduate to teaching kindergarten and have nothing to do

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with Jungian psychology for the rest of. Good for

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you. So, you know, this is just what I graduated to.

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And I like that, you know, because this is where my interests lie.

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So we're in 2010. You've got your forum started. It's up,

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you've got. People from the newsletter are starting to get on the forum and

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communicate with each other and create a community. And,

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and Chuck knows this is going on. He knows this is going on.

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Yeah. He does not want to be a part of it. He's not the type

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that wants to answer questions and things like that.

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Was it awkward for you to be excited about it or talk about it?

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Like. No, not really. He had, he'd recognized that in

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the beginning, I think and because I asked him and

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I think if he did have misgivings,

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he didn't really talk about it because I think there were parts of him that

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was proud of me for it. Yay. Good. Yeah, that felt good. That felt

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really good. And he wasn't feeling like he was ashamed of

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that because during this time I was also getting

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diagnosed with infertility and we had to work on

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him not feeling guilty for me being infertile

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because of those years that hey, we could have begun getting pregnant,

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but instead you were out there, flown out for fooling around, being a jackass

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and I had to help him say first thing,

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it's done, we can't unring the bell. And second,

237
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I was probably infertile anyway, so it's probably not

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that the fault of that because before that, since we

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had been planning to become pregnant, I had been tracking.

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So my background is in biology, so I track

241
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and I am a scientist at heart in that. And so I had

242
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tracking schedules so that I was going to be prepared when I was going to

243
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become pregnant. And I'd been tracking and so the

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doctors said that I was able to be fast tracked

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to infertility because of all of my tracking.

246
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Usually they want you to take these tests and

247
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then it's a 12 month and then we'll know in these many. But I got

248
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fast tracked cuz I had so much history even though I hadn't been to the

249
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doctor for that reason. And so I was

250
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tracked that I probably didn't even have any eggs or I had

251
00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:16,220
so few and they weren't going to be viable and my percent would

252
00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:19,468
probably be 1% of getting pregnant.

253
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We did go to acupuncture

254
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or I did go through acupuncture for about a year. Had to take the most

255
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awful drink every morning, horrible, horrible drink

256
00:15:31,228 --> 00:15:34,378
every morning. And. But the acupuncture itself was lovely because it was

257
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all meditative because we were going to try, but we were

258
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at the same time looking at adoption resources and that sort of thing.

259
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And well, I truly feel like your baby is the hero's spouse.

260
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And your forum in your book and this entire community,

261
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:53,514
you're sort of like Oprah. She never had children, she never had children,

262
00:15:53,602 --> 00:15:57,258
but she has like a world of children, you know,

263
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and it's sort of like that for you. I don't know if you thought of

264
00:16:00,262 --> 00:16:03,358
it that way, but you know, really launching a website, launching a book,

265
00:16:03,414 --> 00:16:07,262
launching all the forum, all the things you've done, those are, you know, that's like

266
00:16:07,286 --> 00:16:10,606
going into labor every time, you know. Yeah, the launches

267
00:16:10,638 --> 00:16:14,190
were really big things back then. At least those were really big

268
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:17,582
because there was a lot of nervousness going on with those launches because I

269
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had to postpone them on a couple of times. I postponed

270
00:16:21,854 --> 00:16:25,880
the launch of the forum. The first I was about to start it and

271
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my cousin's daughter OD'd.

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And it's like that was very sudden and

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I don't know if it was the next time I. And you know, it was

274
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:40,904
just by a month. And while I was doing all

275
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of this, I was working a graveyard shift job. I launched the forum while

276
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working at a graveyard shift job at a nuclear lab.

277
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So I'm working with.

278
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Working with radiation at night. And so Chuck

279
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and I have just gotten back together, but we're working separate schedules.

280
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So it was really tough during that. And so I'm

281
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doing all of the forum stuff, preparing for it, trying to

282
00:17:07,962 --> 00:17:11,442
research what forum to use what. And I'm not a technology

283
00:17:11,546 --> 00:17:14,930
person, but I'll figure it out and

284
00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:19,013
what kind of platforms to use and which ones are going to give me the

285
00:17:19,101 --> 00:17:23,077
different little things because of. I really wanted that where I had

286
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:26,485
that ability to sort topics. And I wanted

287
00:17:26,517 --> 00:17:29,861
to have a membership. Not like what I have now, but I

288
00:17:29,885 --> 00:17:33,637
just wanted them to be able to have a membership so anyone who

289
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:35,849
stocks could be behind a safe paywall.

290
00:17:36,909 --> 00:17:40,341
And it wasn't. There weren't services offered with it. But for several years

291
00:17:40,365 --> 00:17:43,920
I did have a membership where was the same product on one

292
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,904
side, but they just paid us a minimum minimal fee

293
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:51,632
so that they were behind a paywall enough that we were hoping

294
00:17:51,776 --> 00:17:55,568
stocking spouses wouldn't pay to get over there. Oh, right,

295
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:59,660
right. It kept most anonymous because everybody on the forum uses a

296
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,312
typically. They use a typically. But if you go on there and

297
00:18:03,336 --> 00:18:06,500
you start to. If you're a stalking spouse and you read people's.

298
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:10,834
Oh, why that one? Look. Ah, that's mine. They can read the stories.

299
00:18:10,962 --> 00:18:14,498
And if you live with your spouse, especially if you share a computer,

300
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:18,450
you can. So we had my main moderator,

301
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:22,146
his wife stalked him across multiple, multiple websites.

302
00:18:22,258 --> 00:18:25,714
Oh, and I. We think she even paid to get into the

303
00:18:25,722 --> 00:18:28,770
other side at one point. We had to kick her out. Did they ever get

304
00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:31,666
together again? No, no, not.

305
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:35,650
No. Eventually. You don't have to tell us who your first member

306
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:38,642
is, but you must know who is your first person that signed up. Do you

307
00:18:38,666 --> 00:18:42,628
know who that I don't. Know because I had several hundred people on the newsletter

308
00:18:42,644 --> 00:18:45,860
and they all. They burst in.

309
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:49,364
Wow, so. So, yeah, within a day, you know, I had.

310
00:18:49,452 --> 00:18:52,660
I remember 40, 50, you know, just climbing that day. Wow.

311
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:56,100
And it is in mlc, I think the community is

312
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:59,940
huge. People rely on the community and the camaraderie through the community for

313
00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:03,748
support and everything. It's huge. It's a huge. Yeah. If you have. If you already

314
00:19:03,804 --> 00:19:06,618
have some form of a platform, they'll start coming.

315
00:19:06,674 --> 00:19:09,978
And I knew that's why I hadn't done. That's why I did the website

316
00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:13,578
first. And I. My goal, how I. I had arranged

317
00:19:13,594 --> 00:19:15,914
it that way, that I wanted to start a forum, but I knew I had

318
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:19,242
to start the website. I knew then I had to start a newsletter, and then

319
00:19:19,266 --> 00:19:23,210
I had to start getting enough people on the newsletter before

320
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,410
I could start a forum so that I could. Had enough people to advertise it,

321
00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:30,202
because you have to have enough people to get the back and forth for

322
00:19:30,226 --> 00:19:33,924
your forum. Mm. And so then once the forum starts,

323
00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:37,588
and then after a while on the forum, then I recruited. Actually, I didn't

324
00:19:37,604 --> 00:19:41,316
recruit them. I had people vote on who they wanted to be their moderators

325
00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:45,300
because the moderators would also be mentors. And then for several

326
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:48,980
years on the forum, we had a mentor. A mentor program

327
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:52,788
where newbies would be assigned a mentor. Oh, wow. For the first

328
00:19:52,844 --> 00:19:56,516
six weeks or so. So you were assigned somebody who was meant to check

329
00:19:56,548 --> 00:19:59,662
on you, meant to guide you, be kind of your coach for

330
00:19:59,686 --> 00:20:03,070
the first weeks. And then you could request that they continue for another set

331
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:06,894
of six weeks and as an official mentor. And then,

332
00:20:06,982 --> 00:20:09,966
you know, they could still be your person, but then you were just,

333
00:20:10,038 --> 00:20:13,582
you know, one of the group. And they would find this through the Hero

334
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,990
Spouse website. They could find it through the Hero Spouse website.

335
00:20:17,030 --> 00:20:20,414
I'm sure they could find it through Google as well. But yes, they could find

336
00:20:20,422 --> 00:20:24,462
it through the Hero Spouse website. Yeah. Okay. And then how

337
00:20:24,486 --> 00:20:27,640
did the Facebook situation. So Facebook was

338
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,416
many years later, because Facebook was during COVID It was.

339
00:20:31,568 --> 00:20:34,824
Wow. Wait, wait, you did not start the Facebook

340
00:20:34,912 --> 00:20:38,104
thing until Covid, and I. I can't. I don't know when Facebook started, but it

341
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:41,928
was before COVID that's for sure. You mean. If you mean Facebook itself.

342
00:20:42,104 --> 00:20:45,496
Yeah, yeah. Facebook itself was 2004, I think.

343
00:20:45,568 --> 00:20:49,080
Wow. Initially, you know, most of us during.

344
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,706
COVID What happened during COVID that caused you to start the Facebook group?

345
00:20:52,888 --> 00:20:56,174
So there was a. The Midlife Men podcast

346
00:20:56,222 --> 00:21:00,110
was starting, and they didn't. They didn't seem to continue much

347
00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:04,702
after that, but they did several. They were radio professionals,

348
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:08,190
and they contacted me when they'd seen my site

349
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:11,850
and asked for some for an interview and they did a few with me.

350
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:16,238
And after my first interview with them, I'd already been telling myself

351
00:21:16,414 --> 00:21:19,912
that I needed to do Facebook lives. I'd learned about Facebook lives

352
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:24,340
and then I took a course on giving. Doing video.

353
00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:27,764
Video. Uh huh. On video. Yeah. And I knew I had to just get the

354
00:21:27,772 --> 00:21:31,332
nerve. Turns out once I did it, I didn't really need the

355
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:35,080
nerve so much is it just felt like I was natural.

356
00:21:35,660 --> 00:21:39,092
But you don't know that until you do it. That's right. Yeah. And so I

357
00:21:39,116 --> 00:21:42,772
did my first podcast with them. So wait. Actually it

358
00:21:42,796 --> 00:21:47,036
sounds, it sounds, I'm hearing you say, like the Facebook Live was sort

359
00:21:47,068 --> 00:21:51,068
of the first thing on Facebook. Rather than Facebook

360
00:21:51,204 --> 00:21:54,892
fan page, which I want to say really isn't

361
00:21:54,956 --> 00:21:58,236
much of anything. It's just kind of where you have your site.

362
00:21:58,308 --> 00:22:02,012
But yeah, there's I. It's hard, even hard to describe,

363
00:22:02,076 --> 00:22:06,172
but I do have my videos over there and I can stream things over there,

364
00:22:06,196 --> 00:22:10,108
but it's not a group and it's not private. And so now

365
00:22:10,244 --> 00:22:13,680
the way Facebook allows it, I can have things stream there

366
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,820
easily, whereas to stream into a private group is harder.

367
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,328
And so when I stream my videos that I do now into the private group,

368
00:22:21,384 --> 00:22:24,784
I have to set that manually up. So I'll have the streaming

369
00:22:24,832 --> 00:22:28,720
service stream it into the public fan page and manually

370
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,712
set it up to stream to the private. And I just set them for the

371
00:22:31,736 --> 00:22:35,952
same time. So it might appear to people that those are like streamed as

372
00:22:35,976 --> 00:22:40,088
a. As a unit, but they're really X setups set up separately.

373
00:22:40,264 --> 00:22:44,088
And you can comment in the private group if you've been let in

374
00:22:44,224 --> 00:22:47,700
and your comments are private. It's meant to be a safe space.

375
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,776
So the private group started some point in early

376
00:22:52,848 --> 00:22:56,360
2020 and I can't even remember did I go Facebook Live

377
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,816
on the fan page or had I already started the private group? I'd probably

378
00:22:59,928 --> 00:23:03,400
started the private group somehow. Not even

379
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,708
five years. Actually, about five years. It is. Yeah. And you've

380
00:23:06,724 --> 00:23:08,880
got over 5,000 members.

381
00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:13,572
Over 5,000 members. And somehow before

382
00:23:13,676 --> 00:23:17,540
COVID you know how sometimes something just clicks and

383
00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:20,996
it was New Year's Day and it was not because of a resolution

384
00:23:21,188 --> 00:23:24,484
that I just, I tried it several times and I'd been writing things.

385
00:23:24,572 --> 00:23:27,604
I wanted to do an online course. Wanted one, wanted.

386
00:23:27,732 --> 00:23:31,786
And again, New Year's Day, I was just searching online courses again

387
00:23:31,908 --> 00:23:35,214
and I found the person that I knew was gonna be the one. That's the

388
00:23:35,222 --> 00:23:38,510
one I want. That's the one. But for some reason I knew that. And so

389
00:23:38,550 --> 00:23:42,142
starting then, I planned I am going to do that this year.

390
00:23:42,326 --> 00:23:45,774
And this time I knew it was what was gonna be. Before I

391
00:23:45,782 --> 00:23:48,894
was like, yeah, this is my dream. But this time I knew this was

392
00:23:48,902 --> 00:23:52,622
the one. I intuition just knew it. And I started watching

393
00:23:52,686 --> 00:23:56,446
all of her podcasts and any of the related

394
00:23:56,518 --> 00:24:00,224
ones and following those. And that was what led me to, okay, I have

395
00:24:00,232 --> 00:24:03,536
to do Facebook Live and have to do these things. And so I was preparing

396
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:06,992
myself and I was preparing myself for the online course, which she had,

397
00:24:07,016 --> 00:24:10,432
which wasn't going to start until September. So that gave me

398
00:24:10,456 --> 00:24:14,032
time to also start getting the money up for that.

399
00:24:14,136 --> 00:24:16,700
For that course. Because it was like a $2,000 course.

400
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,832
So. And my only income was through coaching and

401
00:24:21,016 --> 00:24:24,410
$5 to $8 articles that were on

402
00:24:24,450 --> 00:24:27,850
sale back then. I sold some of the articles that were on.

403
00:24:27,970 --> 00:24:30,170
You could get them for free. But I said, if you'd like to have this

404
00:24:30,210 --> 00:24:33,738
as already a pre prepared PDF download or it's

405
00:24:33,754 --> 00:24:37,130
already been revised, you can download this for this

406
00:24:37,170 --> 00:24:40,570
amount. Nice. So. And I've taken those

407
00:24:40,610 --> 00:24:43,802
down. Now you can just get them since they're already on. But back

408
00:24:43,826 --> 00:24:45,710
then that was another source of income.

409
00:24:46,690 --> 00:24:50,688
So I was preparing to do my online course and ramping

410
00:24:50,704 --> 00:24:53,600
that up. I'm like, okay, Facebook lives. I've seen Facebook lives.

411
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,488
Now I hadn't seen them. I start. I have to start a Facebook

412
00:24:57,544 --> 00:25:00,352
group. That's where I learned, oh, there are these groups. I only knew about this

413
00:25:00,376 --> 00:25:04,140
fan page. Maybe I hadn't understood. How have I been missing out on this?

414
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,664
Because I just did. I always misunderstand what a fan page is or did it

415
00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:11,056
come along later? So I started the Facebook group and

416
00:25:11,128 --> 00:25:14,544
I remember my first Facebook Live because I remember

417
00:25:14,592 --> 00:25:17,732
people going, oh, no, you're doing great. You're just a natural. And I

418
00:25:17,756 --> 00:25:20,660
was still on a high. I was on a high from the podcast the night

419
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:23,200
before. And the night before,

420
00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:26,520
everybody upstairs in my house knew I was doing a podcast,

421
00:25:26,860 --> 00:25:30,452
that I'd been asked to do a podcast. And some friends had come over

422
00:25:30,476 --> 00:25:34,116
and they were sitting. Cause five kids and

423
00:25:34,268 --> 00:25:37,636
Chuck and I, the podcast, we probably

424
00:25:37,668 --> 00:25:41,620
talked for an hour or two, probably two hours. And it was evening to

425
00:25:41,660 --> 00:25:45,256
late at night. When I got upstairs, my noisy

426
00:25:45,288 --> 00:25:48,472
kids, they were all sitting there like this. And when I walked up the

427
00:25:48,496 --> 00:25:51,336
stairs, they all turned to look at me. Two friends,

428
00:25:51,408 --> 00:25:54,152
Chuck and all the kids. And I was like,

429
00:25:54,256 --> 00:25:58,776
what? You're all here waiting? They were just like anticipating.

430
00:25:58,968 --> 00:26:02,840
And I was on the Biggest high. It was a huge high,

431
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,896
like giant adrenaline, you know,

432
00:26:05,968 --> 00:26:09,146
limerence for butt limerins. Know the lives.

433
00:26:09,298 --> 00:26:12,826
So I did my first Facebook Live the next day and it was

434
00:26:12,898 --> 00:26:15,914
just general, I think, Q and A. And I

435
00:26:15,922 --> 00:26:19,850
don't even know if I took live Q&As or if I had had people

436
00:26:19,890 --> 00:26:23,018
send me Q&As. Not sure. I know. I thought,

437
00:26:23,074 --> 00:26:27,226
should I do topics and speak extemporaneously

438
00:26:27,258 --> 00:26:31,162
on a topic? So I tried that the next week. That was the only

439
00:26:31,266 --> 00:26:35,028
Facebook Live that when I pushed and it

440
00:26:35,084 --> 00:26:38,404
got lost in cyberspace. And I was so glad because I

441
00:26:38,412 --> 00:26:41,956
was like, well, that one messed up. And I was feeling like that one wasn't

442
00:26:41,988 --> 00:26:44,852
going right the whole time. Huh? And it got lost and I was like,

443
00:26:44,876 --> 00:26:48,212
oh, thank God I can't find it. And I discovered topics are

444
00:26:48,236 --> 00:26:51,988
not for me extemporaneously. Let's just do this question

445
00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:55,700
and answer because it was great. And I did Facebook lives

446
00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:58,996
for the next several years, every Thursday and

447
00:26:59,068 --> 00:27:02,524
over or, you know, we eventually settled on that and

448
00:27:02,612 --> 00:27:06,652
what we do now instead of Facebook Lives. Because I use my lives now

449
00:27:06,756 --> 00:27:10,636
as a vehicle to introduce when my membership starts.

450
00:27:10,828 --> 00:27:14,700
And so we have a week long opening for my membership every

451
00:27:14,740 --> 00:27:18,700
eight weeks or so. And so we start the cart open with

452
00:27:18,740 --> 00:27:21,996
a Facebook Live and then midweek we'll have a Facebook Live

453
00:27:22,148 --> 00:27:25,644
and then we end it with a Facebook Live. And so since I'm

454
00:27:25,692 --> 00:27:28,516
there present live, that's a bigger deal.

455
00:27:28,668 --> 00:27:32,276
And during the off weeks, I do

456
00:27:32,348 --> 00:27:36,308
streaming videos where people have sent me their questions and I pre record

457
00:27:36,364 --> 00:27:39,652
them and I stream them up and it looks like

458
00:27:39,676 --> 00:27:43,440
it's live because it says live in the corner. I can't help that.

459
00:27:43,740 --> 00:27:47,812
But those are actually pre recorded. I let everyone know they're prerecoded

460
00:27:47,956 --> 00:27:50,868
and those stream out officially Monday,

461
00:27:50,924 --> 00:27:54,334
Wednesday and Friday. Supposing that they get me sent

462
00:27:54,502 --> 00:27:57,822
to me on time and some people have sent me some topics if

463
00:27:57,846 --> 00:28:00,770
I don't get them, if I don't get enough questions,

464
00:28:01,110 --> 00:28:04,446
sometimes I get way too many questions and they will spill

465
00:28:04,478 --> 00:28:08,190
over to a Facebook Live and we're just. So sometimes your questions are several weeks

466
00:28:08,230 --> 00:28:11,598
out and sometimes your questions are answered the next day

467
00:28:11,734 --> 00:28:15,454
if that's trickled down to where people aren't submitting.

468
00:28:15,582 --> 00:28:19,112
So I have a couple, I have a couple topics that are interesting. My queue

469
00:28:19,176 --> 00:28:22,280
for when, oh wait, I don't have any questions right now.

470
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:26,312
We'll fall back on this topic and then it is a topic that somebody

471
00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:30,744
has requested and it could be answered in the Type of format

472
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:34,488
of a question answer as well. So I don't feel like I have to go

473
00:28:34,544 --> 00:28:37,832
research a whole bunch. With five kids, I just don't have that kind

474
00:28:37,856 --> 00:28:41,208
of time. Yeah. And five special needs

475
00:28:41,264 --> 00:28:45,456
kids, or several of them, at least three are special needs kids

476
00:28:45,608 --> 00:28:49,040
with ADHD and other things going on with

477
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,192
them. Wow. Yeah. Five adopted children.

478
00:28:52,296 --> 00:28:56,352
Five adopted children. Yes. Adopted from foster care, but they were infants,

479
00:28:56,496 --> 00:29:00,080
so. So I point that out is it's harder with my

480
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,312
foster parent friends when they're older. I do

481
00:29:03,336 --> 00:29:06,224
want to say that. So at least I got them. And they've. They. I'm the

482
00:29:06,232 --> 00:29:09,920
only parent they've known. Oh. So it's a blessing. It really

483
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,950
is. And the.

484
00:29:13,410 --> 00:29:16,954
When you say that the group. I know there's a

485
00:29:17,042 --> 00:29:20,410
program you have. I forgot what it's called. Is it the Thrive Stand

486
00:29:20,450 --> 00:29:24,522
up and Thrive. And sometimes there's a waiting list to get

487
00:29:24,546 --> 00:29:27,770
on that. And maybe it's because you only can have so many people in it

488
00:29:27,810 --> 00:29:31,402
at a time. So I don't limit the number of people,

489
00:29:31,586 --> 00:29:34,762
but I open it every eight weeks and I open

490
00:29:34,786 --> 00:29:38,814
it every eight weeks right now because Detach

491
00:29:38,862 --> 00:29:42,062
and Thrive, which is my online course. So that was the online course that I

492
00:29:42,086 --> 00:29:45,870
originally built. Back when I said I want to build an online course,

493
00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:48,094
that was the course I built. I ran that for about a year and a

494
00:29:48,102 --> 00:29:51,582
half, two years and then started. Is that your first course, Detach and

495
00:29:51,606 --> 00:29:55,070
Thrive? So yes, although I did start

496
00:29:55,110 --> 00:29:58,686
a course, Understanding Midlife Crisis, which I built really quickly

497
00:29:58,878 --> 00:30:02,190
as a free vehicle that I use to

498
00:30:02,230 --> 00:30:05,470
sign people up on the newsletter, sign people up on my

499
00:30:05,510 --> 00:30:09,310
list and just get them introduced to Midlife Crisis

500
00:30:09,390 --> 00:30:12,542
and get them into my world.

501
00:30:12,646 --> 00:30:16,210
Yep. So where can, where can everybody find that? The quiz.

502
00:30:16,950 --> 00:30:20,382
So the quiz is at, at the websites. All of the

503
00:30:20,406 --> 00:30:23,262
websites. They should come up as a pop up. So.

504
00:30:23,446 --> 00:30:26,622
So I will get the links to you and then you can put

505
00:30:26,646 --> 00:30:30,236
them out on the bio. Gotcha. So the links are all there for the.

506
00:30:30,318 --> 00:30:33,104
The quiz Understanding Midlife Crisis,

507
00:30:33,232 --> 00:30:37,168
which is. A self paced program. Like a self paced self paced program.

508
00:30:37,304 --> 00:30:40,752
It is three modules. And the modules you

509
00:30:40,776 --> 00:30:44,176
get the first module, the first when you sign up, then the next second module

510
00:30:44,208 --> 00:30:48,048
the next day and the third module the next day. And that is only because

511
00:30:48,184 --> 00:30:51,072
originally I had you get all of the modules but people weren't coming back to

512
00:30:51,096 --> 00:30:54,320
them. So my hope is that if it's the second day, I send you a

513
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,422
reminder, hey, module two is dropped. It will remind people to go

514
00:30:57,446 --> 00:31:00,670
back to. And hopefully I, I did that

515
00:31:00,710 --> 00:31:04,810
course. And I thought the reason was so you could absorb it over 24 hours.

516
00:31:05,670 --> 00:31:08,654
But, you know, 24 hours isn't that much time to absorb it either.

517
00:31:08,782 --> 00:31:12,334
But, you know, it's only about two hours, two to two and

518
00:31:12,342 --> 00:31:15,742
a half hours in length. I found it really helpful.

519
00:31:15,886 --> 00:31:20,010
It was a lot of good information that somebody new to this

520
00:31:20,390 --> 00:31:23,768
crisis or experience, you know, it's really helpful. And that's

521
00:31:23,784 --> 00:31:26,888
the goal is understanding midlife crisis is just.

522
00:31:26,944 --> 00:31:30,180
Is meant for newbies. It is not meant to be your healing course.

523
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:34,168
That's detach and thrive. That's the big stuff. Understanding midlife

524
00:31:34,184 --> 00:31:38,328
crisis is just meant to get you the throw at you, really, the initial information

525
00:31:38,464 --> 00:31:41,832
for your questions. Because when you start out in this,

526
00:31:42,016 --> 00:31:45,192
you want to know, oh, my God, why is this happening?

527
00:31:45,256 --> 00:31:48,966
Why? Why? Why? Screaming this isn't fair.

528
00:31:49,128 --> 00:31:52,922
What is wrong with my spouse? All of your questions are about your

529
00:31:52,946 --> 00:31:56,042
spouse and what's wrong with them. And the real important stuff is

530
00:31:56,066 --> 00:31:59,498
how do I heal? But if I were to answer that,

531
00:31:59,634 --> 00:32:02,682
you'd go, no, I asked you about why are they doing this? And why are

532
00:32:02,706 --> 00:32:06,378
they these things? And so it's a little bit like trying

533
00:32:06,434 --> 00:32:09,994
to fix an injury that is beneath a tight

534
00:32:10,042 --> 00:32:13,338
muscle. And you have to relax the muscle first. You can

535
00:32:13,394 --> 00:32:16,754
access the injury. And so midlife crisis

536
00:32:16,802 --> 00:32:19,986
is the understanding. Midlife crisis is that muscle relaxant

537
00:32:20,018 --> 00:32:23,154
that I give you. And then once you have taken

538
00:32:23,242 --> 00:32:27,470
that, you take that course. Now I can access

539
00:32:28,010 --> 00:32:31,218
the rest of you because you can relax a little bit. And you're

540
00:32:31,234 --> 00:32:34,834
like, okay, I have some answers. And sometimes the answers I

541
00:32:34,842 --> 00:32:38,514
don't know, but I. I understand that I don't know now.

542
00:32:38,682 --> 00:32:42,690
And I am more accepting or willing and able to say,

543
00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:46,274
okay, I'm ready to learn what I need to do for me, I'm ready

544
00:32:46,322 --> 00:32:49,522
to understand what I need to do to detach. I'm ready to learn what detach

545
00:32:49,586 --> 00:32:52,722
means without freaking out that you just said, I need to detach. And it means

546
00:32:52,746 --> 00:32:56,626
I don't care, because that's not what it means. Yep. But in the beginning,

547
00:32:56,818 --> 00:33:02,258
that's scary. And you just want to shut down and

548
00:33:02,314 --> 00:33:05,710
wonder why. Why are you telling me that you're not going to answer my question

549
00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:09,776
and that's all people hear. So it's

550
00:33:09,808 --> 00:33:12,912
okay to answer somebody's question with I don't know. Cause that's honest.

551
00:33:13,056 --> 00:33:16,368
But it's really not fair to answer the qu. Somebody's question with, I'm not gonna

552
00:33:16,384 --> 00:33:19,680
tell you that right now. That's like when your mom said that you Know,

553
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,620
like. Well, you know what? You're not old enough to know, and we're adults,

554
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,472
so I don't have the answers sometimes, and that's okay for me to tell

555
00:33:27,496 --> 00:33:30,752
you, but if I just say, you know what? There are some things where I

556
00:33:30,776 --> 00:33:35,020
say I don't really like giving you this information yet,

557
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,832
because from the stage you're on, if you get this,

558
00:33:39,016 --> 00:33:42,288
you're gonna look to that. Yeah, but. So I'll

559
00:33:42,304 --> 00:33:44,460
tell you here, but I really want you to look over here.

560
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,600
There's a book called after the Affair. If you're not after the affair,

561
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,376
maybe you should look, you know, at the point where you're

562
00:33:53,408 --> 00:33:56,800
at, you know, there's some things to prepare for. But if. But if you're at

563
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:00,352
after the Affair, sometimes you focus on this stuff and don't learn what needs to

564
00:34:00,376 --> 00:34:03,190
come before it. Mm, absolutely.

565
00:34:03,690 --> 00:34:06,722
So. And there's a. There's a lot to know, but if you can just get

566
00:34:06,746 --> 00:34:10,706
a little bit of some of the early kernels of understanding midlife crisis.

567
00:34:10,898 --> 00:34:14,338
So I think that is the big core

568
00:34:14,434 --> 00:34:17,970
for getting you in the door to what you need to do

569
00:34:18,090 --> 00:34:21,346
to kind of relax that YYY muscle

570
00:34:21,378 --> 00:34:23,910
in your brain. Yes, absolutely.

571
00:34:24,250 --> 00:34:27,596
Yeah. After that is when. Now,

572
00:34:27,748 --> 00:34:30,988
listen up. You. You need to detach. You need to focus on

573
00:34:31,044 --> 00:34:34,316
you. You need to heal. You need to put the oxygen

574
00:34:34,348 --> 00:34:36,840
mask on yourself. You are important.

575
00:34:37,620 --> 00:34:41,244
But Standers, those who really want to save

576
00:34:41,292 --> 00:34:44,812
their marriage, they. We want them to hear

577
00:34:44,836 --> 00:34:47,852
that, but they don't want to hear that. They want to hear, I just want

578
00:34:47,876 --> 00:34:51,292
my spouse back. And I really don't care about that. Why do I care about

579
00:34:51,316 --> 00:34:54,317
me? And it's like, I really want you to care about you.

580
00:34:54,373 --> 00:34:57,929
Okay. I mean, I have been told by some that

581
00:34:58,229 --> 00:35:01,805
literally I've had people say, I can't breathe without him.

582
00:35:01,957 --> 00:35:05,453
Oh, and I want to point out in

583
00:35:05,461 --> 00:35:08,493
a. In a. You know, literally, I. I understand that's a metaphor,

584
00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:11,709
but I know that you can breathe without him

585
00:35:11,749 --> 00:35:15,389
because you're breathing right now. We can

586
00:35:15,429 --> 00:35:19,405
breathe. So we're going to understand what's

587
00:35:19,437 --> 00:35:22,856
happening, and we're going to take some time. So we're going to breathe.

588
00:35:22,888 --> 00:35:26,152
We're going to take some deep breaths, and we're going to learn what's going

589
00:35:26,176 --> 00:35:29,800
on, and if we can understand some of the psychology of what's going

590
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,904
on. So I'm really big on understanding that,

591
00:35:32,992 --> 00:35:36,552
and I'm also really big on not understanding too much

592
00:35:36,576 --> 00:35:40,392
of it. If that is going to set you into paralysis or

593
00:35:40,416 --> 00:35:44,504
get you stuck or if you're Focusing on that so much, the paralysis

594
00:35:44,552 --> 00:35:47,792
that you keep doing it at the detriment of your own healing.

595
00:35:47,896 --> 00:35:51,680
Yep. But just enough so that it makes sense in a way,

596
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,472
you know? Yeah. So you make sense of that. What I did is I

597
00:35:55,496 --> 00:35:59,408
was able to, okay, look over here at the understanding. Then I could

598
00:35:59,464 --> 00:36:02,592
turn my head and look at my healing. Then I could turn back and look

599
00:36:02,616 --> 00:36:05,520
at this. Then I can restudy it some more. Then I can, you know,

600
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:08,832
then I can just back and forth a bit in each portion.

601
00:36:08,896 --> 00:36:12,752
In bits. And some of it integrates together the understanding

602
00:36:12,816 --> 00:36:16,724
and the healing can go together. Because midlife crisis is a

603
00:36:16,732 --> 00:36:20,040
crisis of identity. But midlife transition.

604
00:36:20,380 --> 00:36:24,436
Midlife crisis is a type of midlife transition. But if you're

605
00:36:24,548 --> 00:36:27,920
in a midlife transition, that's not a crisis, that is self development.

606
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:32,692
And many of you who are forward moving spouses, this is

607
00:36:32,716 --> 00:36:37,188
going to kick you into it anyway. Right. And that transition,

608
00:36:37,364 --> 00:36:41,434
well, you're going to learn about it. And so that

609
00:36:41,522 --> 00:36:45,098
learning is your self development while also learning about what this

610
00:36:45,154 --> 00:36:47,870
transition is. And so those are integrating.

611
00:36:48,850 --> 00:36:52,266
I never thought of it that way. But while one spouse

612
00:36:52,298 --> 00:36:56,122
is going through the crisis part, which has collateral damage to everybody,

613
00:36:56,186 --> 00:36:59,962
but that, that LBs that could become the forward moving spouse is having

614
00:36:59,986 --> 00:37:03,242
their own midlife transition. Yeah. You know,

615
00:37:03,346 --> 00:37:07,442
wow. Yeah. It, you know, sometimes it kicks them into their own midlife crisis

616
00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:11,490
during or often afterwards. We can have that. But if

617
00:37:11,530 --> 00:37:15,266
you know what's going on and you get to understanding, then you can

618
00:37:15,418 --> 00:37:19,830
look at that and have bigger level of awareness and insight.

619
00:37:20,330 --> 00:37:23,938
And that probably gives you a bit more empowerment

620
00:37:23,954 --> 00:37:27,490
and control not to have it be a crisis. Absolutely.

621
00:37:27,570 --> 00:37:30,610
Yep. Then there's always the MLC or

622
00:37:30,650 --> 00:37:33,810
that's now the LBs. Yeah. Whole nother thing.

623
00:37:33,930 --> 00:37:37,428
Yep. And we have those. We do, we do, yeah.

624
00:37:37,524 --> 00:37:40,916
So I want to summarize the services that we can find on

625
00:37:40,988 --> 00:37:44,532
midlife crisis. Marriage advocate.com is where you

626
00:37:44,556 --> 00:37:48,960
can find everything from the. The little quiz to the.

627
00:37:49,340 --> 00:37:52,548
The self paced course. Yes.

628
00:37:52,644 --> 00:37:56,452
Understanding midlife crisis to Thrive membership. That's available on

629
00:37:56,476 --> 00:38:00,884
there. Yes. So everything is on there. You can find them on

630
00:38:00,972 --> 00:38:05,070
the website if you can find them. If you go to the

631
00:38:05,110 --> 00:38:08,590
Facebook page where and when you look at any

632
00:38:08,630 --> 00:38:11,838
of my. On my YouTube and you go into the questions,

633
00:38:11,934 --> 00:38:15,534
I always try and describe those in the links below where I

634
00:38:15,542 --> 00:38:19,566
will put the question someone asks. And at the bottom after the question someone asks,

635
00:38:19,678 --> 00:38:23,790
I put my coaching information and I put my where

636
00:38:23,830 --> 00:38:27,214
you can submit a question information. And when

637
00:38:27,302 --> 00:38:30,892
Thrive opens, I put the thrive information. I try

638
00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:34,476
not to promote it too much when it's not open because you can't get in.

639
00:38:34,628 --> 00:38:38,172
But the wait. So the waiting list is there so that you are

640
00:38:38,196 --> 00:38:41,500
notified when it comes open. And during that

641
00:38:41,540 --> 00:38:45,148
week there'll be a whole week where you can sign up for it.

642
00:38:45,284 --> 00:38:48,572
And if you don't sign up during that time and

643
00:38:48,596 --> 00:38:51,788
you realize it and like it's closes on Thursday

644
00:38:51,844 --> 00:38:55,638
night and it's Friday, just let me know. Okay. I sort

645
00:38:55,654 --> 00:38:58,966
of did that. Yeah. Big giant classes

646
00:38:58,998 --> 00:39:02,043
where the person makes millions and they have 2,000,

647
00:39:02,152 --> 00:39:05,846
4,000 people, they're very strict about it. When you're

648
00:39:05,878 --> 00:39:09,862
somebody like me and I get three to five people in eight weeks,

649
00:39:10,046 --> 00:39:13,542
I let you in. I need people. So sure, just let

650
00:39:13,566 --> 00:39:16,950
me know. Well, and I know you really want people, you don't want people

651
00:39:16,990 --> 00:39:20,366
sitting at home waiting, you want people getting their answers,

652
00:39:20,518 --> 00:39:24,126
I mean questions answered and all that. And, and the reason for the eight weeks

653
00:39:24,198 --> 00:39:27,150
at this point is there's a few. One of them is I can focus it.

654
00:39:27,270 --> 00:39:30,590
Uhhuh. And Detach and Thrive which is with

655
00:39:30,630 --> 00:39:34,574
my flagship course is embedded into the Into Detach

656
00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:37,822
into Stand up and Thrive. And that is an

657
00:39:37,846 --> 00:39:41,486
eight week course. So you can start Detach and Thrive.

658
00:39:41,518 --> 00:39:44,734
And when Detach and Thrive is over, even if they haven't completed because you get

659
00:39:44,742 --> 00:39:48,450
to determine you can keep going through it at your own pace.

660
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:53,008
But once they have had all of the modules drop,

661
00:39:53,104 --> 00:39:56,448
a new group can start and I wouldn't

662
00:39:56,544 --> 00:40:00,480
be able to market it just due to my own insane

663
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,920
kids schedule. And now we're building a house so. And, and I'm the main

664
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:07,232
project manager on the house build. Aww. So one

665
00:40:07,256 --> 00:40:10,560
of your many skills. Well, I'm not going to tell our audience today,

666
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,432
but there's going to be some really cool stuff coming up in the next I

667
00:40:14,456 --> 00:40:18,102
think 12 to 18 months, hopefully before. 12 months and

668
00:40:18,286 --> 00:40:22,118
kinda knows what I'm talking about. And there's a select few that are gonna know

669
00:40:22,174 --> 00:40:25,990
soon and, and there's gonna be a lot more support out there and

670
00:40:26,030 --> 00:40:30,150
awareness. Cause that's, that's really what we're trying to do is bring awareness so that

671
00:40:30,270 --> 00:40:33,750
you know, and that was what got you through this,

672
00:40:33,870 --> 00:40:37,334
was that awareness of that forum that you started and you know that you attended

673
00:40:37,382 --> 00:40:41,622
many years ago in 2005. So yeah, it's crazy.

674
00:40:41,766 --> 00:40:45,222
It's really sad when we hear so many people don't even know about the

675
00:40:45,246 --> 00:40:48,962
support that's provided out there. Yeah, support group is

676
00:40:49,146 --> 00:40:53,538
so important. So Detach or Stand up and Thrive

677
00:40:53,714 --> 00:40:57,378
is a support Group where we meet on Zoom.

678
00:40:57,474 --> 00:41:00,882
So it's optional. We have people who don't meet us on Zoom or they

679
00:41:00,906 --> 00:41:04,386
watch the replays, but we meet on Zoom four days

680
00:41:04,458 --> 00:41:07,970
a week, two hours, two of the days and one

681
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:11,394
hour. It says 30 minutes but I translate for an hour, one hour on

682
00:41:11,402 --> 00:41:15,516
the other days and it is six. So, so helpful especially

683
00:41:15,588 --> 00:41:18,972
for somebody new at this going through. It is just. It's like

684
00:41:18,996 --> 00:41:22,160
a. What do you call it? A. A life, you know, a lifeline.

685
00:41:22,740 --> 00:41:26,252
I want you to get to know each other. I want you some.

686
00:41:26,356 --> 00:41:29,852
If nobody's in the group that day and nobody. You might. I might have

687
00:41:29,876 --> 00:41:33,052
one person. So it's kind of like one on one coaching during that. And I

688
00:41:33,076 --> 00:41:36,796
do not post a one on one up in our replays

689
00:41:36,908 --> 00:41:40,442
that are only for our group. I post the replays when

690
00:41:40,466 --> 00:41:44,362
we have three others or more in there. So you can get

691
00:41:44,386 --> 00:41:48,314
the replays but not if it's only a few people. So one person,

692
00:41:48,482 --> 00:41:52,490
two people. Unless there's three people but one just kicked out, one get in

693
00:41:52,530 --> 00:41:56,362
and back and forth. But it's mostly three people plus then

694
00:41:56,386 --> 00:41:59,658
the replay should go up. So you can watch them on replay but you don't

695
00:41:59,674 --> 00:42:02,538
have to come into them. So if it doesn't match your schedule. But I also

696
00:42:02,594 --> 00:42:05,962
have tried to make them so that if you're in

697
00:42:05,986 --> 00:42:09,444
Australia these days will work for you and if you're in

698
00:42:09,612 --> 00:42:12,788
the United States these days will work for you.

699
00:42:12,844 --> 00:42:15,840
So that we can fit our global community.

700
00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:19,764
Because we do have a global community. We do have a global community. Yeah.

701
00:42:19,812 --> 00:42:23,364
And I was really thinking I had several Aussie people in the beginning

702
00:42:23,412 --> 00:42:27,076
especially and I wanted to make sure the aussies and the UK's could make it.

703
00:42:27,228 --> 00:42:31,092
Yeah. So that was really important to me and

704
00:42:31,196 --> 00:42:34,058
me being in Washington State,

705
00:42:34,244 --> 00:42:37,310
you know, I have to follow my schedule so.

706
00:42:37,430 --> 00:42:40,894
Which makes it a little bit hectic because I have to be. I have to

707
00:42:40,902 --> 00:42:43,690
have a little bit of a chaotic schedule. So.

708
00:42:44,230 --> 00:42:47,502
Well and okay, somebody's got some questions. Where would they

709
00:42:47,526 --> 00:42:50,366
put them? Where's the best place for them to send questions?

710
00:42:50,558 --> 00:42:53,822
So I have also in the links that I will be

711
00:42:53,846 --> 00:42:57,614
giving you is the question where they could submit a question. So if it's a

712
00:42:57,622 --> 00:43:01,362
submitted question, such as an MLC question could great on there. If they want

713
00:43:01,386 --> 00:43:04,258
to put a question that's just a personal question like about coaching.

714
00:43:04,354 --> 00:43:07,762
The coaching can go. The link is there but

715
00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:10,946
if they want it, that is. I was talking Facebook

716
00:43:11,018 --> 00:43:14,190
Live. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. But the submit a question

717
00:43:14,570 --> 00:43:17,602
link is going to be on the links that I'm giving you. Awesome.

718
00:43:17,666 --> 00:43:20,866
Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you, Ken. I know you've got,

719
00:43:20,938 --> 00:43:24,162
you've got some coaching coming up in a few minutes so I better let you

720
00:43:24,186 --> 00:43:27,474
go. So thank you so much for your time today and

721
00:43:27,562 --> 00:43:30,802
I'll cut away. And so thank you so much,

722
00:43:30,826 --> 00:43:35,110
Kenda. You're just such a lifeline to so many worldwide.

723
00:43:35,770 --> 00:43:39,874
Hey guys, thanks for joining us today. That was the History of the Hero's

724
00:43:39,922 --> 00:43:44,018
Spouse by Kenda Root stumpf. Wow, that's 20

725
00:43:44,074 --> 00:43:47,874
years in the making. And so that's a lot of stuff. And you know

726
00:43:47,882 --> 00:43:50,670
what, in some ways I think she's just getting started.

727
00:43:50,970 --> 00:43:54,590
So anyway, thanks again for joining us. Be sure to check out

728
00:43:55,050 --> 00:43:58,386
the the links below and midlife

729
00:43:58,418 --> 00:44:02,546
crisis marriage advocate.com so anyway, lots of info

730
00:44:02,658 --> 00:44:06,082
and check out the links and thanks again for joining us today. We'll see you

731
00:44:06,106 --> 00:44:06,578
soon.